Babies Tale

Our children need so much from us. Food, clothing, shelter, attention, touch, discipline, education, opportunity, a role model… If you are a mom, chances are you run through this list several times a day. “How can I provide everything my child needs? I have trouble keeping up with the daily laundry and dishes let alone planning for college!” The responsibility can tend to overwhelm us as mothers.

“Mommy guilt” is a common phrase. Why isn’t “Daddy guilt” as common? I propose it is due largely to the fact that men can compartmentalize. Men can “get in the zone” and focus on one thing without letting the other priorities or responsibilities of the day interfere with their concentration. Women, with their uncanny ability to multi-task, often tend to “multi-think” as well. This is considered a strength, but when analyzing and planning for our child’s daily well-being as well as future goals, our minds can race. How will we ever be able to accomplish all of the tasks and wear all of the hats necessary to be all our child needs us to be?

One answer is: We don’t. We are not the only one raising our child. More than likely, there is a father, grandparents, extended family, church members, educators, and neighbors present. Your children probably have many people influencing their lives to nurture and educate them.

What if you don’t have help? What if you are truly “on your own” raising your child as a single parent? The writer of this article is in the unique position to relate in this situation. I have been raising three daughters by myself for 5 years. I have had little to no involvement from their father or from my family and friends. I am comforted to know that there is also God (if you believe as I do) who gave me these precious souls to care for and who loves them even more than I do, though it is difficult to comprehend. There have been many times when I have had to trust in Him to make up for the parenting skills I lack.

One downfall of being an effective parent is guilt. There have been several instances when I have been out with friends for a drink, working late, getting a pedicure, spending money on clothes when the guilt-ridden, anxious thoughts flood in to say, “What about the girls? They need more time with you. You are always working. They need new shoes, not you. They need a college fund more than you need that new stereo. You want to go back to school? The years are passing by and they have not been given the opportunities of piano lessons or gymnastics lessons or…” And the guilt trip goes on.

Don’t let Mommy guilt hold you back. One thing I always have to keep in mind: They are watching me grow and develop and behave as an adult role model. Do I want them to think that life is all work and no play? Do I want them to deprive themselves of self-care and an occasional self-indulgence? Do I want them to learn from me that worry and strife can accomplish anything? Do I want them to feel my anxiety and lack of trust in my Higher Power to provide for our needs?

The answer is: Certainly not. I want them to grow in their giftings and become well-rounded individuals with faith, hope, love and generosity. Whenever I give of myself to others, invest time in bettering my education and talents, and pursue my dreams, they see “Mommy” in a whole new light. While I will continue to be a conscientious parent who will attend to my daughters’ needs to the best of my ability, I will not neglect myself as a human being. If I did, I would be setting a poor example for my little girls who will soon be young women, and possibly, mothers.

It is my hope that this message will encourage all mothers, regardless of their circumstances, to care for themselves and, in turn, teach their little ones to value their self-worth and make healthy, balanced choices — guilt-free.

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