Babies Tale

Your children’s questions won’t be all about where babies come from. Children are naturally self-centered, and yours will want to know how this baby will affect their lives. Once a young child accepts the fact that a real baby will definitely join the family as another child for Mommy and Daddy to love, he or she will worry about being “deposed” supplanted in your affections and perhaps even in your home. The more imaginable the child, the more horrible may be the fears. Talking about the baby in terms of the child-saying, ‘You will be a big sister,” instead of “The baby will love you,” for example-and speaking of the baby as ours, not mine, will help. If a baby coming means that the child will move to a big bed or another bedroom, make the change well ahead of time, so it will be interpreted as growing up, not being pushed out. Don’t try to break your child of the pacifier habit just before the baby is due, and don’t send him or her off to nursery school just then, both for the same reason. Do be more generous than ever with your hugs and kisses and the special time you spend with your child each day. Bedtime is a wonderful time for a leisurely, loving cuddle that will reassure your child of your love.

Once their questions have been answered, older kids may disappoint you a little by their reaction to the coming baby. School, outside activities, and their friends keep them busy and make them independent, and they don’t expect a baby to make much difference in their lives. They may enjoy being allowed the privilege of sitting in on your discussions about what to name the baby, but you’ll want it understood that their choices will not necessarily be final. You may find preteens or teenagers showing signs of embarrassment about your pregnancy, kids that age don’t always like to have the results of their “old” parents continuing sexuality displayed for the whole world to see. You may be able to make them feel better by pointing out examples of other teens with infant siblings among friends and relatives. Be careful not to turn them off by telling them how much help they will be able to give you in caring foe the baby.

Kids of any age may enjoy helping you go through the baby clothes ["did I really wear that?"], set up the bassinet, and arrange the articles on the changing table. If a child really wants to-and only if that’s the case-you might consider taking him or her to the doctor with you a time or two, to hear the baby’s heartbeat. And if you can occasionally bring a baby into the house as a guest or babysitting charge, both you and your child can get a little practice at seeing how things will be when your own baby arrives.

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