Babies Tale

The pain of labor is quite different from other kinds of pain. It is the pain of your body doing a hard and laborious job, not the pain of being in any way harmed. However, labor is normally painful to some degree. Many people have tried to gloss around this or give the impression that, properly prepared and armed with breathing exercises and the right attitude, you will not feel pain. This means many women are taken by surprise and believe they have failed when they do experience intense pain in labor and feel they need some relief from it.

We know fear and tension can create additional pain in labor and make it intolerable. If you tense all your muscles and fight the contractions, you make it much more difficult for your body to do its job. You need to think, therefore, in terms of helping your body through the contractions. This thinking is behind the various breathing and preparation techniques that are taught to women in prenatal classes during pregnancy. By accepting the pain and dealing with it, many women find they do not need painkilling drugs, which might also interfere with their being in control. For others experiencing a long and difficult labor, painkilling drugs may provide much-needed relief.

Breathing Techniques

Slow, deep breathing will help you relax between, and at the beginning and end of, contractions. At the height of a contraction, it may help to breathe quickly and lightly, taking air into the top part of your lungs only. (Do that for just a short while.) During the transition between the first and second stages, when you may feel a desire to push out the baby, your doctor or midwife may ask you to wait till she is sure the cervix is fully dilated. At that point, short, rapid, panting breaths may help you overcome the desire to push.

Pain-Relieving Drugs

A number of pain-relieving drugs are available to women in labor. They are particularly useful if you are experiencing a very long labor, if the baby is presenting the wrong way (see below) or if you are becoming exhausted. These drugs, however, can pass into the baby’s bloodstream and affect the baby, or may affect the progress of the labor. Many women find it useful to wait a little between the moments they first feel that they may want pain relief and deciding to accept it. In the meantime, they may find labor is progressing so well that they are nearly ready for the baby to be born. If progress is slow, however, or there is some problem, they can always decide to accept some pain relief.

Meperidine Hydrochloride

This drug, most commonly known by its trade name Demerols’, provides pain relief. It reduces anxiety and thus pain; however, not all women find it is an effective form of pain relief. Some find it makes them feel heavy and out of control without helping the pain much. Demerol crosses the placenta and can affect the baby, making it drowsy at birth, especially if the drug is given close to delivery. (It should be given at least two hours before the baby is born; this means it cannot always be given at the point in the labor when the woman needs it most.) Some babies even need resuscitation after the birth. Many are sleepy and slow at breastfeeding. This medication can also make the mother feel sick.

Epidural Anesthesia

An epidural consists of a local anesthetic that completely numbs the abdomen and legs, thus removing all sensation of contractions. If an epidural is timed just right, it can be allowed to wear off for the second stage so that you can feel and push with each contraction, thus helping the baby out. It seems to have little or no effect on the baby. The main potential problem is that, because some women cannot feel anything, they cannot participate in the second stage of labor, which is likely to be prolonged. The baby is more likely to be delivered with forceps. However, the correlation may be due to the fact women who are having difficult labors anyway are likely to ask for epidural anesthesia.

An epidural is injected into the epidural space in the spine, between the vertebrae and the membrane enclosing the spinal cord. You will be asked to lie on your left side and to draw up your legs to make as tight a ball as possible. This position makes it easier for the anesthetist to put the needle into the epidural space. You will be given a local anesthetic so you do not feel the tube being inserted. After that, the anesthetic is put in. It feels like a cold fluid running down your legs. The catheter is left in your back so the epidural can be “refreshed;” you will also normally have a catheter put in to empty your bladder because you will not be able to control this yourself. An intravenous drip is usually set up too, in case your blood pressure falls suddenly, which can happen with an epidural.

For some women, an epidural is the answer to a difficult labor:

“1 had been in labor for hours, with strong contractions, but I wasn’t dilating much. I became exhausted and thought I couldn’t take any more. They offered me an epidural, and I accepted reluctantly. I have to say the effect was wonderful. Within a few minutes, I was sitting up and talking to the nurses and felt like I could cope again.”

Epidurals can cause problems. About 20% of the time, the epidural does not take and provides inadequate pain relief, sometimes along one side only. Occasionally-in about one in 100 cases-the needle punctures the membrane enclosing the spinal cord. This means you are more heavily anesthetized and may suffer headaches lasting up to a week after the birth. Very rarely, in about one in 100,000 cases, permanent damage can result.

“1 hated it. First the anesthetist had trouble getting it in. In fact, a little piece of plastic tubing broke off and is still floating around somewhere in my spine. Then I had all these tubes and drips set up, and I couldn’t get up and walk for hours after the birth. I didn’t feel or see the baby born at all because I could feel nothing. I had no idea it would be like that. And, because I couldn’t push, he was delivered by forceps-so now I have all the pain of an episiotomy, which I could have done without.”

Women having an epidural should be aware that they are often beginning a chain of medical intervention they might otherwise have done without. On the other hand, if the labor is likely to be difficult, it means you are spared a lot of pain and are already anesthetized if the baby has to be delivered by forceps. And if you should need an emergency Cesarean, the epidural will enable you to be awake and avoid a general anesthetic when your baby is born.

Pudendal Block

This painkilling injection can be made into the vaginal wall with a special needle. With it, you will feel no pain at all from the delivery, and is especially useful when forceps are used. It may be used in conjunction with Demerol.

Local anesthetics are also given if an episiotomy is necessary and for any stitching done on the perineum afterward.

When you figure you’re going to go through approximately six-thousand diapers in the first two and one half years of your baby’s life, it makes sense to spend some time focusing on what you’re going to use for diapers. There are three alternatives, disposable, cloth diapers that you launder yourself, and diaper services that supply and launder cloth diapers for you, and offer pick-up and delivery service.

Since you’ll be going through about sixty-five diapers a week during the first year, it makes good sense to use a diaper service, which could save you either laundering time or the extra expense of that many disposables. During the second year, when laundering cloth diapers don’t require the extra rinses that may be necessary for some hypersensitive newborns, laundering your own diapers might be more practical. Then, in the third year, until toilet training is complete, disposables will be handy and lessen your impatience about the training process, taking the pressure off your child. When it is all over, the old diapers make wonderful cleaning rags!

Regardless what you use for a diaper, you’ll inevitably run into diaper rash. It’s caused by a combination of moisture, warmth, and contact between the skin and irritants in urine and stool. Plastic or rubber aggravates it; cool, dry air makes it better. Most experts assert that disposable diapers, which don’t “breathe” like cloth ones, lead to more frequent and more severe diaper rash, so if you’re using disposables and your baby gets diaper rash, you might want to switch to cloth for a while.

Another diaper danger is the substances that your baby might eat or inhale in the process of diapering. Usually what happens is that the “diaperer” hands the baby something for entertainment or the baby grabs it himself. The baby then ingests or inhales the baby powder, the ointment or cream, or the baby wipes. Symptoms can include coughing, wheezing, choking, shortness of breath and vomiting. It’s important to keep these products away from the baby while diapering.

Disposables

Environmentalists have raised a lot of questions about disposables because they are not biodegradable and can’t be recycled. They also cause a public health hazard, since viruses present in excrement can be spread to those who collect the trash. And after disposable diapers are dumped at a landfill site, viruses can be carried into water supplies.

Some disposables [particularly generic brands] keep the skin warmer and moister than cloth diapers [no brand has been found that really keeps a baby dry], and may cause more frequent and more severe diaper rash. Disposable diapers in general can be expensive-up to thirty-two cents per diaper.

On a more positive note; disposables do save a lot of work, and more convenient. They eliminate the need for plastic pants, and they’re much easier to use when traveling. Because there are no pins, less experienced family members are often more willing to change them.

If you choose disposables, here are some guidelines:

1. Sample different brands. Start with a variety in the newborn size until you find one that fits well and has the softness and quality you like. Name brands will usually be more consistent in quality.
2. Don’t use brands that clump, shred or bunch up when wet, since your baby could ingest paper pieces.
3. Brands that don’t allow any plastic to touch the baby’s skin are better for preventing rash.
4. Once you find a brand you like, shop around for a good discount, and then buy by the case.
5. Inspect each diaper for impurities, discoloration, and foreign materials in the paper padding.
6. Create air holes. Since air circulation is the biggest problem with disposables, pinch out a piece of the plastic liner in the seat area. This will allow air to circulate and will also make it easier for you to tell when the baby needs to be changed.
7. Use the weight and size chart to determine fit. Diapers with elastic legs aren’t necessary but they do prevent leakage. As you fasten the diaper, make sure the leg holes are not too constricting.
8. Some disposables supposedly have parts that can be flushed. These don’t work well. Nonetheless, you should try to flush as much from the diaper as possible. Then tightly roll up the diaper so the soiled area is not open to the air, and seal the diaper with diaper tape before throwing it out.
9. Garbage cans should be lined with plastic bags, which should be tied and sealed tightly for disposal. Garbage cans that have locking lids are good; they keep curious tots out.
10. Diapers with refastenable tape are convenient, but not necessary if you keep a small roll of strapping or masking tape and safety tipped scissors handy.

Your baby’s room will most likely contain a crib and a chest of drawers. You may choose to buy a rocking chair for nursing and feeding the baby, and you may also have a changing table, but neither of these is essential.

Cribs and Bedding

For the sake of the consumer, a lot of attention has been paid to crib safety, so that any crib manufactured after February 1974 has to conform to strict safety codes. If you are considering an older crib, perhaps one that has been in your family, you will want to compare its features with the current safety standards, which were necessitated by a large number of serious crib accidents.

Crib slats must be no more than 2 3/8 inches apart to prevent babies from getting their heads or limbs caught in between them, which could result in strangulation or injury. Never use a crib that has missing slats or spindles!

Make sure that metal hardware on the crib you buy or borrow ahs no rough or sharp edges, in case your baby falls against it. Also, check out the locks and latches on the drop-side of the crib to make sure your baby won’t be able to accidentally release them from inside the crib and fall out. Many cribs have double release mechanisms-you must use a foot release as well as release the side of the crib-which are even safer. And once released, make sure the sides of the crib move up and down easily.

You want to be sure your baby will not be able to climb out of the crib. There should be no bars or other surfaces on railings or end panels that the baby could climb on.

Another crib danger of the past was mattresses that didn’t fit snugly in cribs. Babies would get their heads caught between the mattresses and the crib frame and suffocate or strangle. Now all crib mattresses are a standard size. They must be 27 ¼ by 51 5/8 inches and not more than 6 inches thick.

When you go out to buy a crib, don’t be fooled into thinking that if you spend enough money, you’ll be assured top quality. That simply isn’t the case. While currently manufactured cribs generally meet minimum safety standards, some cribs are shoddy and some manufacturers have poor quality control. There is no substitute for your careful inspection of the floor model and a repeat inspection upon delivery.

Look for a crib that has at least one stabilizing bar beneath the springs; two are even better. Make sure the finish of the crib is smooth and evenly painted. If it’s an older crib, make sure it’s not painted with a paint containing lead. If you suspect that the paint contains lead, ask your local health department where you might have paint chips analyzed for lead content. Do not use a crib finished with lead based paint-babies gnaw on crib railings; lead poisoning can cause brain damage and even death.

The crib’s railings should be sturdy; you shouldn’t be able to flex them. Round railings are better than decorative spindles or those with protruding edges or corners. The teething rails should run the length of the railing tops and should not be cracked or have any jagged edges. Specialty stores now sell teething rails for older cribs. Corner posts should not extend more than 5/8 inch above the end panel, since these knobs can catch clothing and cause strangulation. If you already have a crib with longer corner posts, either unscrew them or saw them off and sand them smooth. The end- boards should be straight and functional and should have no decorative open spaces that the baby could climb on or get caught in. avoid decals; they may have a lot of initial appeal, but they don’t hold up well.

Crib mattresses must meet federal flame-retardant standards. They are available in three types; innerspring, hair block, and all foam. Other variables include the thickness of the outer fabric, the number of vents, and the type of edging used around the borders.

Innerspring mattresses vary on the number of coils they have, the type of cushioning on top of the springs, the presence or absence of a metal grid across the springs, or additional metal supports, and the type of covering and venting. Although they are widely advertised, they don’t hold up to the wear and tear of a bouncing toddler. Protruding metal pats is a common complaint.

Hair block mattresses are constructed of molded animal hair. Because of allergic potential they are not recommended.

Your best bet is a high-density foam mattress, which will not be bouncy and also won’t have any inner-parts that can break. Make sure the sides are well vented to allow air to flow in and out under pressure, since a poorly vented mattress will trap air inside and could pop, tearing the vinyl cover. A torn vinyl cover could prove dangerous to your inquisitive baby. A firm foam mattress will fit a crib more tightly than an innerspring mattress, foam mattresses are often thinner than innerspring mattresses, allowing for extra space between the mattress and the top railing, therefore, making the crib more difficult to climb out of.

Crib bumper pads provide extra protection for your baby at three or four months. They guard against her becoming accidentally wedged between the mattress and the crib side, or between the bars. The pads should cover all four sides of the crib and tie on to the crib sides securely in at least six places. You’ll want to remove the pads as soon as your baby begins to use them to pull herself up to stand-at this point, they can collapse and cause her head to be thrown into the bars. Also they could be used as a prop in an attempt to climb out of the crib.

Bumper pads tend to be of poor quality, and there are frequent reports of plastic snap ties tearing from pads, snaps pulling off, and vinyl seams ripping and exposing foam interiors, which can then be ingested. Tie cords may be long enough to tangle around your baby’s neck. Try to buy a firm bumper pad that is covered in washable fabric. Clip the cords after you fasten them to the crib bars, leaving only an inch or so of excess cord.

The following list is a rough guideline for bedding: three fitted crib sheets, two crib-size mattress pads, one vinyl or plastic crib mattress protector, two crib-sized, flannel covered rubber pads, two small washable quilts, and one set of bumper pads.

Pillows are often sold as baby gifts, but they should never be used. They can suffocate a baby or cause postural stress to the neck.

Portable cribs are smaller and narrower than regular cribs. Many of the regulations that cover full size cribs are similar for portable cribs, but don’t apply to mesh-sided or tubular frame portables. While some families appreciate being able to collapse their portables and take them along, there are frequent problems with portables that should be mentioned; shoddy construction often causes legs to crack or collapse, bottoms that aren’t well supported fall through, teething bars splinter, and very often these cribs just aren’t as portable as they appear.

If you are going to buy a portable crib, look for a wooden one that has no protruding wing nuts that can loosen easily. Make sure the floor supports are sturdy, and check to see if the mattress pad is well finished and firm. The bars should be straight on all sides. Avoid one with latching gates, which can be climbed on or present a pinching hazard to a baby’s fingers. Avoid models that have mesh sides or, worse yet, mesh supported floorboard, since the mesh can tear and cause your baby to fall. Once your baby is sitting up, remove the leg supports from the crib and allow it to sit directly on the floor, or retire it from use, since portable cribs are meant for newborns and very small babies.

Teething is a developmental milestone for your child but can be a stressful and painful time for your baby and you.

Teething is the appearance of the first teeth through the gums; most babies will start teething around six to eight months with their last molars arriving at 20 or 30 months, however teething can begin as early as three months and continue to the child’s second or third birthday. Normally the bottom two incisors or the front teeth will come in, followed by the top four incisors.

Your baby may experience sleep disturbance, crankiness and excessive drooling and your child’s gums may appear tender and swollen. Some babies make it through teething without any pain but others aren’t so lucky and may seem cranky for weeks. Here are some tips to help you through the teething period.

1. Rub your child’s gums with a clean wet finder or cold spoon, anything cold will help ease the pain.
2. Chilled teething rings are very helpful but make sure that you don’t freeze them; frozen teething rings can cause chapped and sore lips and cheeks. Frozen teething rings can also be too hard and bruise already swollen gums.
3. Your baby will probably be drooling more often so make sure to wipe babies face often to avoid a rash or discomfort.
4. Give your baby something to chew on, for example carrot or celery sticks or a cold washcloth, as long as it is big enough for them not to choke it will work.
5. There are some over the counter teething gels that can help ease your babies sore gums but don’t rub whisky on your baby’s gums or place aspirin against the tooth.

Even though the first set of teeth will fall out, tooth decay can speed up this process and leave gaps before the permanent teeth are ready to come in. This can cause permanent teeth to come in crooked. Once the teeth are in make sure to wipe them with a warm washcloth after feedings, especially if your child is eating solid foods.

It is not recommended to put your baby to bed with a bottle because milk and formula can pool in the babies mouth causing tooth decay. It may be a good idea to get a soft infant sized toothbrush and brush them but do not use toothpaste, only warm water. You can use toothpaste once your child is old enough to spit it out, usually around three years.

The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommends waiting to use fluoridated toothpaste until your child is 2 to 3 years old, and then using only a pea-sized amount. Keep toothpaste away from small children because an overdose of fluoride can be harmful.

Like walking and talking there is no exact age that every baby begins teething. If your baby is a little late with teething there is no need to worry. However if your baby has not shown signs of teething by one year old consult your doctor to find out what is causing the delay and rule out possibilities. In rare cases, delayed eruption may be the result of rickets, a vitamin D deficiency that has been linked to exclusive breastfeeding.

Although teething can be a stressful and uncomfortable time for your baby, it is possible for you to ease your child’s discomfort or completely eliminate it and make this transitional period easier on you and your child.

I can’t thank my family enough for throwing me a beautiful baby shower. They went all out - the pink and blue cake, homemade food, plates and napkins with baby buggies on them, the favors, the diaper cake, the surprise - the whole nine yards. My little girl has all pink dresses and rompers, purple bedding, fleece blankets in every sweet pastel color and enough plush toys to carry her through toddler hood.

It’s a whole new world!

You’ve planned the conception and you have conceived, however, six months into it you are bored with your pregnancy and cannot wait until it is over. Don’t worry, this is a feeling that the majority of pregnant women experience and you are not alone.

My journey through pregnancy was full of ups and downs, self-consciousness of my ever growing belly and increased weight gain, awe and joy experiencing the developments of the baby inside, and, of course, fluttering feelings of boredom. Often times, the pregnancy blahs settled upon me. During these times, the best thing you can possibly do is to keep busy.

If you are feeling the pregnancy blahs, why not get excited all over again and start planning for the new bouncing baby girl or boy? The most exciting stage of pregnancy is planning and decorating the nursery. Designing a nursery can be fun and creative and at the same time will bring you closer to the blessed event.

Where does one start?

1. Plan a budget.

   • The most important stage of planning is making a budget. Furniture, sheets, blankets, accessories, paint and extra details can make a dent in the wallet. However, be smart and make a budget for the nursery.

2. Make a List

   • Be organized and make a list of requirements for the nursery. Try and stick to your list while shopping as I can attest there are so many adorable items that make you “ooh” and “ahh” but may not necessarily be something that is required.
   • If you have a limited budget, in reality, the only piece of furniture you truly require is one where the baby can drift off to dreamland such as a crib or baby bassinet. Everything else is for convenience. For example, changing tables are nice to have but I used the floor for both of my babies.

3. Choose the Tone

   • Do you wish to have the nursery bright and colorful or subdued and neutral. Reds, oranges and yellows are colors that stimulate while soft greens, blues and creams are relaxing colors.

4. Choose a Theme

   • This stage is not necessary but makes the planning more fun and the room more interesting. There are a lot of themes choose from and if you are stuck for ideas browse through the crib bedding or nursery artwork section in stores.

5. Think Safety

   • Make your baby’s room a safe place before you bring baby home.
     1. Ensure that the crib is placed away from window treatments with dangling cords or anything that the baby can pull on top of him/her such as lamps.
     2. Place a working smoke detector in baby’s nursery or near baby’s room.
     3. Put plug protectors in unused electrical outlets.

It takes time to create an amazing nursery for baby but if you plan ahead, it will be less stressful and more enjoyable and exciting. Take time to dream about baby while completing your nursery project. It will be a whole new world before you know it!

Becoming a big brother or big sister can be a challenging time for a toddler. It is hard for toddlers and young children to fully understand the concept of a new baby. It is important to prepare your child for the new arrival and continually be sensitive to the fact that without the proper attention the new baby can be threatening and even scary for your toddler. Here are a few ways to make this transition easier on your toddler.

You can start to prepare your toddler for the new baby from the very begging. When you find out your pregnant start talking to your toddler about babies in general, once your toddler has been introduced to the idea of babies tell them that you are going to have a baby. Throughout your pregnancy show your toddler pictures of the baby from the sonograms and explain that the baby is inside of you. Show your toddler pictures of them when they were newborn and tell them the story of their birth at the hospital or home and let them know that it will be similar with the new baby. Get your toddler excited about the new baby; try to guess what it will look like and if you know the sex of the new child tell them they are having a little brother or sister. Take them to doctor’s visits and let them hear the babies heartbeat or feel the baby kick. The more you include your child in your pregnancy the easier the transition will be.

Once your new baby is born it is important to understand what your toddler may feel. They may feel jealousy toward the new baby; they may feel like you love the new baby more because it needs so much attention. Things that you do and don’t do can send the wrong message to your toddler so here are a few strategies on how to facilitate your toddlers adjustment:

• Set aside special time with your toddler every day and focus only on them, even if it’s only for half an hour while the new baby is sleeping. Your toddler is accustomed to having all of your attention and you may now find it impossible to give the same attention to them. By spending special time with your toddler if they demand your attention later in the day when you do not have time to give one on one time you can remind them of the special time you had earlier or that is coming up later in the day.
• During the first few months friends and relatives will bring gifts for the new baby and your toddler may feel left out. So have a few inexpensive gifts ready to give to your toddler so that they feel loved as well.
• Talk to your child about what it means to be an older sibling, let them know that the baby will learn from him or her and look up to them. Include your toddler in helping with the baby’s everyday routine like changing diapers of feeding time.
• A smart idea is to have a big kid box set aside for times that you will be busy with the baby and cannot entertain your toddler. A big kid box could be a shoe box filled with a few independent activities for your toddler. When you need to send your toddler to the big kid box make sure to join them as soon as you’re done caring for the baby.
• Don’t blame the baby if you are unable to do something for your child. This could make your child resent the baby. For example if you can not pick up your child while pregnant tell your toddler it is because your back hurts not because you are pregnant.

Whatever you do to plan for your new baby make sure to include your toddler in the plans as well. Make sure to talk to your child and answer any questions or concerns they may have about the new baby but don’t bring up concerns that your toddler doesn’t mention. By helping your toddler to feel secure and understand what will be happening when the new baby arrives you can ensure that this wonderful time can be shared with everyone in the family.

The first moments after the birth of your baby are wonderful for bonding with your newborn. Newborn infants are very alert during this first hour and are instinctively looking for food. Studies have been done where an infant is placed on Mother’s stomach immediately after birth. They then make their own way to the breast for their first meal.

Although much of the bonding process is instinctive and will happen naturally, it does not always happen immediately. When I was pregnant with my first child, I never felt that close bond I had heard about while I was carrying my daughter. It wasn’t until after she was born, and I got to hold her and kiss her that the bond began to form.

One thing is for sure, once the bond is there, it is impossible to break. The tie between mother and child is perhaps the strongest in existence between two people. So when it is time to separate from your child it can be extremely difficult for both of you.

Probably the first instance of necessary separation of mother and baby occurs when baby is ready to sleep alone. Giving the baby a bottle or pacifier can cause problems with tooth decay - not to mention the issue of milk leaking into the crib or spoiling during the night. If your baby has been used to sleeping next to you, then your smell is a significant factor in their comfort level. Consider using a bonding doll or toy instead of a bottle or pacifier for baby’s first night alone.

Ookie® Dolls make a wonderful bonding toy. Babies love the soft touch of the cotton flannel body and silky satin trim. The knotted hands are easy for baby to grip. Moms like them because they are lightweight and machine washable.

Cuddle the doll between you and your baby for a few nights before making the transition to the crib. This will give the doll the same scent as you and will cause the baby to associate the doll with comfort.

I used a plush bunny as a bonding toy for my youngest daughter. I started placing the bunny in her crib with her from the very first day. She is now almost 2 years old, and still adores her bunny. The most difficult part is getting it away from her to throw into the washing machine once in awhile!

There will be many more times in life when you will have to separate from your children. I also have a daughter that will be graduating from High School in a few months and moving out on her own. I don’t think this event will be any easier then it was when I placed her in her crib to sleep by herself for the first time when she was a few months old.

Over the last few decades, most of the experts have said that letting your baby sleep in bed with you is a bad thing to do. Yet, every new mom knows, especially if she breastfeeds her baby, that he is not going to fall asleep, nor will he stay asleep, unless the source of his nourishment is firmly fixed where it belongs - in his mouth.

Mother may walk him to sleep, which works until she is so weary she cannot stand up. She may rock him to sleep, sometimes accompanied with her singing. This works until he gets restless and wants to get down on the floor to play. That is what my daughter liked to do at two o’clock in the morning, after waking me from the only sleep I had been able to get all day. Then of course, the mother can nurse her infant until he just dozes off, and gently, oh so gently, ease her nipple out of his mouth, lay the dear baby down in his own little bed, put the blanket over him just so, turn out the light, tiptoe out the door, and listen to him howl in rage.

He is not where he thought he was. The world has insulted him. The world is unfair, and he will make certain everyone in it knows this.

“Let him cry it out,” my friends and in-laws advised. I was generally good for not much more than ten minutes of that. From the time my children were two months old, they could belt out their protests for hours. It was a matter of who had the stronger character, and generally I lost such tugs-of-war.

Yes, a screaming baby may well make the ugliest sound in the world. Our first instinct is to do anything in our power to calm the infant down. We need to remember that what has been called the ‘family bed,’ is not necessarily wrong, just foreign. People in other parts of the world routinely have their children in bed with them. The very notion that anyone should sleep alone would appear to be a form of torture to them. Their children grow up healthy and feeling loved and accepted in ways most of our children may not.

Most of us want to maintain those private times with our husbands, keeping them absolutely private. Yet still, the infant wails in the night, and will not be comforted except with the warmth and nourishment only his mother can give him. The plush bear in his crib can only offer so much comfort. Should we be made to feel guilty for permitting ourselves to fall asleep with our infant nestled beside us? Some of my most precious memories of my children are of those times when, weary from the day, I curled around my soft warm baby, and let him nurse until we had both drifted off to sleep.

This is not to say that my babies did not have their own beds and their own rooms. It does mean that no one rule is right for all parents and all children at all times. We have to use those wonderful minds God gave us and make the best decisions for ourselves and our children that we can.

I can’t thank my family enough for throwing me a beautiful baby shower. They went all out – the pink and blue cake, homemade food, plates and napkins with baby buggies on them, the favors, the diaper cake, the surprise – the whole nine yards. My little girl has all pink dresses and rompers, purple bedding, fleece blankets in every sweet pastel color and enough plush toys to carry her through toddler hood.

But, it was my office friends, the ones who threw me the “clean-up” baby shower, that I really need to thank. You know what a “clean-up” shower is – it’s the second baby shower, the one your “work” friends throw. They are never sure what to buy because your registry has been purchased, and you keep assuring them you have everything you could possibly need. Well, that’s what you think!

My friends at the office decided to throw a theme shower. The theme was entitled “Books and Butts.” Invitations were simply sent out via email with the poetic request that all gifts fit the theme. All of my presents were geared at keeping baby’s butt clean and dry and keeping Mommy sane with books for Daddy and baby to share!

Granted, opening presents didn’t have the same “WOW” factor, and I would later find writing thank you notes to be a bit monotonous, but each gift presentation came with advice from seasoned professionals. Each mom in the room offered her opinion as to the best diaper brand, the most economical baby wash or which story to read when my not-yet-born turns three and asks how babies are made!

My beautiful little girl is now 7 weeks old, and I have yet to buy a pack of diapers. Thanks to my friends, I know what brand works best for my little one’s bottom, after trying out every brand offered. Thanks to my friends, my husband has yet to make a midnight run for baby wipes. Thanks to my friends, I fear no diaper rash, and thanks to my friends, my little one has a library that rivals her Mommy’s.

My friend, the one who threw me the baby shower, is now pregnant for the first time with her own little one, and I can’t wait to return the favor. Now, a seasoned mom myself, I will send an email around the office, gather my advice, buy her my idea of the best brand of diapers on the market and be ready to tell her exactly why they are so. I will give her the best titles in baby books and smile knowing that whether she realizes it or not, this is the best baby shower anyone could ever have!

I can hardly believe my daughter’s room used to house a queen-size bed. It doesn’t seem natural to me anymore that the windows were once dressed in blue curtains. It feels like the room was always meant to accommodate a crib, changing table and pink galore! But, there was a time when the perfect nursery was nothing more than a vision and a couple of excited parents-to-be ready to make some changes.

Choosing a crib was a monster of a task for my husband and me. We wanted the gender of our baby to remain a surprise until birth, but we had strong opinions on furniture for a boy versus a girl. It took months to settle on a crib color we agreed would be sweet enough for our baby girl and masculine enough should our gift be a boy. Little did we realize color was only the beginning!

We both loved the sleigh bed style of crib. We didn’t like the prices. We both loved the prices of traditional cribs but feared our active infant might tip hers over during a tantrum. Neither one of us wanted a convertible crib, but the styles seemed to fit our senses. In the end we were saved by an angel. An angel, by the name of sister-in-law, presented us with a gift: a crib. And it was perfect. We could now move on to make other decisions.

From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I wanted a green nursery. I pictured sage green walls for either boy or girl. I imagined earthy plaids and denim drapes for our little man or pink gingham and cottage florals for our little princess. In the end, the pink won out. The sage green walls made the cut, and they are adorned with childhood keepsakes and family pictures. Pink gingham curtains shield our little one from the morning sun and match perfectly with her pink floral crib bumper. I believe every child’s room should be full of books, and those little hands will have plenty to choose from when she can reach into her wooden book basket that sits beneath her window. My husband refinished a now beautiful dresser, giving it an aged, distressed finish. It is big enough to hold all the pink clothes we can buy and has plenty of room on top for photos, diapering needs and a changing pad. The room is as it was always meant to be.

One day I hope to turn another guest room into yet another nursery. Moving into a bigger house will have to be the first step, but I am sure when the moment comes to tackle another nursery, I will be ready with color in mind.

Toilet-Training Equipment

Successful toilet-training will be a combination of good timing [ the child must be ready] and the parents’ understanding of the complexity of the process [being able to break it down into a series of simple tasks] . For most children, the ideal time is around two years of age-a time when they can follow verbal instructions, have good muscle control, and take pride in doing things by themselves.

What you’ll need is really not much. Training pants aren’t necessary, because they shrink a lot when washed, making them hard to take off. They’re also bulky, like diapers-a child may forget that wetting her pants is no longer acceptable. Buy regular children’s underwear to mark the transition and instill some pride in your child about growing up.

You can buy either a potty that sits on the floor or a seat that adapts o the adult flush toilet. There are arguments for and against each. Generally, children who have older siblings are more motivated to use the adult toilet because they want to be grown up like their brothers and sisters; they often do very well with the adapter seat. Children who don’t have older siblings often experience a fear of heights on the adapter seat, and some have a real fear of all that flushing. The adapter seat is more portable and obviously doesn’t involve emptying, but if it fits poorly, it can slip or break, causing the child to fall off or in. Also, children tend to urinate off to the side, wetting the adult seat or the floor. No difference in ease of training has ever been found between adapter seats and potties, so the choice is yours.

Go on a preliminary shopping trip for the potty or seat. When you’ve whittled it down to two choices, bring your child with you to assist in the final selection. Have your child sit on the seats to see which is more comfortable. This will give her an investment in what’s about to take place.

If you’re looking at adapter seats, take them from the package to be sure the edges are smooth and round and not sharp. There should be a flexible front shield for boys, preferably of a rubber-like material that won’t hurt your son bumps against it. The catches holding the seat on should be rubberized or of some other non-scratch material to prevent damaging the adult seat. If your buying an adapter seat, you’ll also need to buy a footstool so your child can climb up to the seat.

Potties are portable and easy for children to use. Look for one with a seat top that can later be used as an adapter seat. Potties with plastic seats are superior to those with wooden ones, they’re easier to clean and fit children better. Find one with a wide base for increased stability. Also, rubber tips under the potty will prevent it from sliding as your child slides on to it. Make sure all edges are smoothly finished., and check to see if the splash guard is flexible. Potties with top loading chambers are best because they’re easier to empty without spills. In fact, children can eventually learn to empty these themselves.

Table and Chair

Get rid of the highchair as soon as you can, since all highchairs present a risk of falls. Besides, once your child is two, she will consider the highchair a prison Having a chair and table. of her own will allow a child to spread out her things for work, play, or eating, making it a very important piece f equipment..

Buy the largest table you can afford or have room for, definitely no smaller than twenty by thirty inches. Many suppliers make sturdy tables and matching chairs for children. Some even have adjustable legs. But you don’t have to buy something that’s sold as a child’s table. One mother covered a Parson’s table with oilcloth and then bought a few sturdy child-sized chairs to go with it. The chart that follows specifies heights for tables and chairs at different ages, but if you can afford only one set, and you can’t find one with adjustable legs, go with a table hat’s at least twenty-two to twenty-four inches high and a seat that’s about thirteen inches high. There should always be eight to ten inches of room between the chair seat and the table.

Shelves for Toys, Books, and Other Belongings

Buy sturdy shelves with no sharp edges. The shelves should be affixed low on the wall, so a child can’t pull things down on his head, it’s a good idea to store soft things, like stuffed animals on the highest shelves.

Toy Chests

Though toy chests are immensely practical [and useful for teaching a small child to put her belongings away], they are not without hazards. The two most prominent dangers are sharp edges that could injure your baby if she should fall against the toy chest, and a tight-fitting lid that could trap your baby inside, suffocating her. Though the possibility of the later may seem remote, it is a very real danger.

When choosing a toy chest, look for the following features:

1. Sturdy construction
2. Smooth surfaces, with no sharp corners or edges
3. A gap of at least a half-inch between the closed lid and the chest
4. A hydraulic closure that will prevent the lid from slamming onto your baby’s head

Be sure that the inside of the box has no latch or other locking mechanism that could trap your child inside. Ideally, the chest’s lid should be light enough for a baby to push it upward with little effort.

If you’re unable to find a commercially manufactured toy chest that suits your specifications, consider making one yourself, or having one custom made. Finally, don’t pass your own old toy chest [or anyone else’s] unless you know it is safe.

Because of these tests, many women enjoy their pregnancy free of certain worries. But for many others, the tests present some very difficult choices. Some women feel they can only start a pregnancy in later life because they have the option of learning if the baby has chromosomal abnormality. Others feel uncertain about this “advantage:”

“We agreed we couldn’t cope with a baby with severe disabilities, so I had all the tests. But I don’t think having the tests influenced my decision to have a baby. Having a baby is a very emotional decision. I was glad to have the tests but I didn’t really think about it in advance-I would have taken the risk.”

Other mothers regret the existence of such tests, because they feel it puts an extra strain on the pregnancy:

“Because I was 38 when my first baby was conceived, I decided I would have the amniocentesis done. This turned the first six months of my pregnancy, a time that should have been a happy one for me, into a nightmare.

“First I refused to ‘bond’ with the baby in my mind, in case there was something wrong with him or her. By the time the test was to be done, I’d worked myself into a state about it, and convinced myself the result would be bad.

“When the test was done I felt contractions, as if I were starting labor, which terrified me. Later I had a threatened miscarriage, which I’m sure was connected. I heard results sooner than I expected, but it was neither a positive nor a negative result, because the test hadn’t taken. I was told there was just enough time to repeat the test if I wanted to. After a lot of agonizing I decided to do this.

Again I had to wait two weeks-in fact a little longer-before the result came. Everything was fine. I was so relieved! But the whole episode made me feel very protective toward my baby, not wanting him to be interfered with-and at the same time, alienated all that time from him in case he was abnormal.”

Because amniocentesis is normally carried out at 16 to 18 weeks, and the results take from two to four weeks to come back, a woman can be as far along as 22 weeks pregnant when she learns her baby is not healthy. Recently amniocentesis has been performed as early as 11-1/2 weeks, allowing for vaginal abortion at 14 weeks. This means she will have felt the baby move and she will be having an abortion almost at the time when the baby could live if it were born prematurely. The abortion will be a regular labor, although the fetus is terminated first by the injection of hypo-saline solution or chemicals into the womb. Labor is induced medically, usually with prostaglandins, and may last a long time. Many women find this kind of labor a terrible experience:

I couldn’t bear to think about it or talk about it. It was a travesty of everything I’d ever read about the glory and wonder of childbirth. It was agony, and I just wanted to be drugged until it was all over. I wouldn’t let my husband be there; I couldn’t have stood it for him to have to suffer it too.”

Although choosing to have a termination is a terrible and shocking experience, those couples who do so find it preferable to bringing a child with severe disabilities into the world. However, some couples do choose to bring up their children with disabilities, or adopt other people, and find great rewards in doing so:

“Of course it was hard at first to have a baby with Down syndrome, and we’ve had difficulties since he was born. But in the end we just loved him - he’s our child and he’s brought a lot of love into our lives.”

Some mothers feel the screening tests put too much pressure on them and medicalize the pregnancy. “Before my first baby was born when I was 37, I had all these tests. I felt I had been taken over by doctors. I spent hours waiting at my doctor’s office and at labs. They were offering a whole variety of new tests, including a blood test that was supposed to detect a person’s higher risk of having a baby with Down syndrome.

“After the blood test, I got a phone call to say the result was positive. I was so distressed; I couldn’t understand what they were saying at first. They explained the result was borderline but that I should come in and talk about an amniocentesis. They told me that the risk based on my age alone was 1 in 287 while with this test it was 1 in 100.

“Did he advise an amniocentesis? It was borderline. He thought it would put my mind at rest. I pointed out that until I’d had this blood test my mind was at rest. My husband and I talked it over, and we decided to have the amnio. I hated it, and I hated waiting for the results, which were fine. With the second baby 18 months later, I opted out. Everybody said, ‘But you’re at more risk,’ but I just didn’t want to know. I turned down everything, even the AFP blood test. My obstetrician was supportive; he said it was my right to have the tests or not. The pregnancy and birth were very straightforward and I had a very healthy child.”

A great deal has been written about postnatal depression, but very little about prenatal depression, although it is certainly common for women to be depressed in some stages of pregnancy. Many women feel overwhelmingly tired. Social engagements, work, housework and relationships all suffer if other people do not understand:

“I used to go to bed whenever I could. The house got really, really messy because I couldn’t face cleaning it. I couldn’t be bothered to cook nice meals and I didn’t have the energy to go to parties or to movies with friends. My husband used to groan because every night about nine o’clock I’d just say, I’m exhausted, I’m going to bed now.’ A lot of the time I was too tired for sex as well.”

Depression is perhaps particularly common in a second pregnancy, especially when the woman has a toddler or young child to care for. No one makes quite the same fuss over you after the first pregnancy, and it is harder to get the extra rest you need. Working women may find the second pregnancy particularly tiring and feel that they are not being efficient at their work, which can contribute to feelings of depression.

Older women in pregnancy, particularly, may worry about the health of their baby and about the birth itself-whether they will have complications and whether there will be anything wrong with the baby. Their attitude may depend to some degree on the attitude of the health professionals who care for them in pregnancy:

“I found out I was pregnant by accident in my early forties, too late to have an abortion or even the tests my provider was very nervous about it and my husband worried and thought something would be wrong. The scans indicated a different due date and showed the baby was small-it was a scary time.

“I worried about the birth because of my age, but the genetic counselor was fantastic. He said, ‘You’re a healthy woman-you should have a super-easy birth’ - he was very reassuring.”

Many babies urinate minutes after birth. This is an important milestone and is recorded in your baby’s medical chart when it happens.

The first bowel movements of a newborn baby are called meconium, which forms in the intestine long before birth. In fact, some babies pas some meconium while still in the uterus. It mixes with the amniotic fluid. While this is usually harmless, when your doctor spots meconium in your amniotic fluid during labor, he or she will be concerned that the baby not inhale it deeply with the first breaths after birth. If meconium is breathed deep into the lungs, it can cause breathing problems, if meconium is present, deep suctioning with the mucous trap is done before the baby breathes.

Many parents are unprepared for their babies’ strange bowel movements. Your baby will have a meconium bowel movement within a few hours after birth. Meconium is black and sticky and difficult to clean off. Some parents think ahead and rub olive oil on their baby’s bottom before it happens. It is then much easier to clean off.

As the baby begins to fed, the bowel movements become runny and greenish-brown. Once the colostrum has changed to milk, a breastfed baby’s bowel movement becomes yellow and liquid and nearly odorless. Breastfed babies normally move their bowels anywhere from once a week to once each feeding. Formula-fed babies move their bowels less frequently, and their bowel movements are dark, firm, and strong smelling.

Exercise and general physical fitness are very important in pregnancy. Your body changes shape and new stresses and strains are put on it, culminating in the physical stress of the birth itself. By making sure your body is strong and fit you will be helping yourself in pregnancy and working towards an active and safe birth, as well as giving yourself energy and resilience for the demanding time ahead.

During pregnancy your joints tend to loosen slightly; this enables the pelvis to stretch during birth to let the baby through, but it also means you are more likely to strain your ligaments and joints and, especially, your back. Be careful of putting strain on your back by picking things up awkwardly or carrying loads that are too heavy. The weight of your baby in front will make even simple movements like getting out of a chair or a bed potentially damaging for your back, so take care to move in such a way as not to put undue strain on it:

• Roll onto your side and push yourself up from there to get out of bed.
• Use your legs, not your back, to maneuver yourself up and out of a chair.
• When picking up a toddler or a full shopping bag, squat down and then push up with your thighs rather than bending over with your knees straight and lifting from your back.

You can do a number of exercises in pregnancy to keep yourself supple and to strengthen muscles that you will use in the birth itself. However, not everyone is very good at following an exercise program. If you are working or you have other children, it may seem especially hard to fit them in. Gentle walking and especially swimming are good exercises in pregnancy if you enjoy them. You can continue with your usual sports, but gently; remember that if you get out of breath you are depriving your baby of oxygen too. Exercise in pregnancy should be gentle rather than rushed. Don’t start an exercise program at this time without checking it out with your doctor first. He will work with you to find an activity that is safe and that you like to do.

Women who want an active labor should practice holding positions such as squatting, standing on all fours or sitting semi upright to see what position they find most comfortable and to strengthen those muscles they will use.

All women, however, will benefit from locating and exercising the pelvic-floor muscles. (See box, page 57.) These muscles are very important in pregnancy and childbirth. They support the uterus, bowel and bladder. About half of all women who have had children suffer from some weakness in these muscles, with such symptoms as discomfort in the pelvic area or leaking a little urine when they sneeze, cough or lift heavy objects. If these muscles become too weak it can lead to prolapse of the womb (the uterus is displaced downward in the body). You can feel what it is like to use the pelvic-floor muscles by tightening your buttocks and pulling upwards as if you want to empty your bladder but must hold it. The same muscle tightens the vagina and can cause pleasant sensations when you are making love. If you cannot feel the muscles tighten, and then try interrupting the flow of urine when you are emptying your bladder; you will soon be able to recognize the sensation.

If your baby cries uncontrollably all the time he may have colic. Colic affects 10 to 30 percent of all babies and is not an actual disease; it is just a term to describe an otherwise healthy baby that cries for longer than three hours a day, but the phenomenon is present in almost all babies, only in varying degrees. Colic can be a very difficult thing to deal with and can cause the stress of having a newborn to start to feel overwhelming but thee are things you can do to help your baby and yourself through this time. Here are some facts about the causes of colic and tips to help you deal with a colicky baby.

Causes of Colic:

1. Broccoli, cabbage, onions, cauliflower, garlic, or other spicy foods in mother’s diet often cause uncomfortable gas or irritation and cause colic.
2. Babies on formula may be reacting to the cow’s milk present in it. Cow’s milk is a very common food allergen/reaction in children. If your child is on formula and has colic try switching to a soy-based formula, a pre-digested formula or a hypo-allergenic formula.

No one knows for sure why some babies get colic and others don’t but there is a lot of speculation around it. Some people believe it is due to some babies having a more immature or sensitive digestive systems than others. Some experts believe colic is a physical release for babies whose nervous systems are still developing and are overwhelmed or can’t handle all the new stimuli surrounding them so they cry to get the stress out.

What Can You Do?

1. Stay calm, it is very important for you to stay calm so that you can properly care for your child. If you feel yourself getting angry or depressed put your baby in the crib or another safe place and take a short break to regain your senses, call a friend to help, cry, whatever you need to do but only pick your child up again when you feel you can care for them safely.
2. Offer a pacifier between feedings.
3. Try using the football hold, and holding the baby on their stomach and walking around.
4. Play quite music or sing to your baby.
5. The one that gets the most praise is to take your child on a car ride; the vibration usually puts them to sleep.
6. Try a formula change from cow-milk formula (usually Similac or Enfamil) to a soy-based formula (usually ProSobee or Isomil).
7. Gentle rocking can be very calming.
8. Run a hot shower and rock your baby in the bathroom as the shower runs, the steam and beating of the water has been known to calm a screaming baby.

It may seem like it but Colic won’t last forever so don’t get discouraged, Colic usually only lasts three to six months and sixty percent of babies will be through the worst of it by three months. Whatever you do make sure that you look after your own health, having a colicky baby can become very stressful and leave parents feeling inadequate. Just remember to stay calm and come to terms with how you feel.

Some parents feel guilty for the their feelings when they have a colicky baby its natural to feel some resentment and anger even though you know your baby is not crying on purpose and you know that its not your fault. Recognize your feelings and take comfort that other parents are experiencing the same feelings and going through the same thing and don’t beat yourself up.

Baby Keepsakes - Gifts for a Lifetime

Over the course of our lifetime, we accumulate “stuff” that represents our history, experiences and the good and the bad events that have occurred during our journey through life.
I suppose I am overly sentimental and obsessed with ensuring my own children have keepsakes from their babyhood and beyond. Perhaps it is because I do not have momentos from my babyhood and toddler years that I place a huge importance on ensuring that my children do have treasures that they can appreciate as the years pass by. Call me a pack rat for my kids!

Photographs

Photos are a fabulous means of recording the life of a child.
For each photograph I take of my children, a copy is put into a special box for each of my child. The date and place is recorded on the back of the photograph in addition to additional names of others that may be in the photo. When my children turn 18, I will pass these photographs to my children for their own keeping.

Videos

A wonderful, realistic means of recording actions, words and developments of babies, toddlers and up.
The camcorder is an absolutely fantastic electronic device that I have become close friends with since my first baby. Not only do I take videos, but I also utilize video editing software to record music and sounds to the video clips to make it all the more personalized and interesting to others and my children. A copy of all videos is also put into safe keeping for each of my children.

Clothing and Toys

One cannot keep every single piece of clothing or toy, however, I have kept a piece of clothing and a toy from their newborn stage that has been given by a special person in their life such as grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles, mommy and daddy and other special family members or friends. As the years go on, I am sure the collection will grow with favorite toys that they have cherished through their childhood or other “stuff” that will bring back fond memories.

Baby / Toddler Record Keeping Books

Recording the particulars of baby’s birth, date of their first steps, the first word spoken, a clipping of hair from their first haircut or all the “firsts” will be a wonderful keepsake for children when they are older. Every person is curious to know what they were like as a baby, what their favoritie color or song was, etc. Remember, even parents forget such things and record keeping books are a great method of looking back and remembering your children.
Yes, I am probably Clean Sweep’s biggest nightmare but it is so important to me that I give my children a part of their history and I believe that they will be grateful when they are older and obtain these special treasures.

Personalized baby gifts and gift baskets are among our most popular gift items for newborn babies. Security blankets, baby blankets, plush toys and more embroidered with baby’s first name and birthdate are an excellent baby gift idea. Not only are they enchanting but are a fabulous keepsake gift that will last a lifetime.
Start your little blessing with a gift that will represent their babyhood and start in the journey of life.

Although they may seem unknowing and unreceptive babies are actually active learners. It was once believed that until a child was able to talk they were unable to form complex ideas and thoughts; however scientists have found that this is not true. From the first week of a child’s life they are taking in their surroundings and learning from them. The first twelve months may be the most active period of cognitive development in a child’s life. There are so many different things that changes and advancements that are going on in the first year. Here are some of the milestones in the babies first year of cognitive development the process by which babies develop the abilities to learn and remember.
Newborns, babies 0 to 3 months can see clearly within 13 inches and can focus on and follow moving objects. Newborns can see every color and distinguish hue and brightness; they can also hear and distinguish the pitch and volume of sound. They can taste sweet, sour, salty and bitter flavors. Newborns respond to stimuli such as touching and strong odors. If you notice that your newborn begins sucking at the sight of your nipple or at the feeling of your chest on its face then your newborn has learned to anticipate events such as breastfeeding.

Babies 3 to 6 months old can recognize different people by sight or voice and react to and mimic the facial expressions of others. They can also respond to familiar sounds like the sound of the car starting or water running. By six months of age many infants will begin reaching for objects quickly without jerkiness and may be able to feed themselves a cracker or similar food. At this age most infants begin babbling with active vocalization that starts to sound increasingly speech-like syllables. Babies 6 to 9 months can figure out the difference between animate and inanimate objects and they can understand that inanimate objects must be moved by someone or another external force. During the seventh month of age, many children begin to learn the implications of familiar acts. As they approach the eighth month of age many will be able to recall a past event or action of their own.

Infants from 9 to 12 months of age start to understand that objects exist even when they cannot see them. They are learning to follow simple instructions and can anticipate a reward when they do the right thing and expect discipline when they do the wrong thing. A baby’s movements become more controlled and deliberate, by 10 months most babies can stand although they may need some support. By nine months of age, most infants have begun vocalizing to toys, people, and animals in sentence-like syllables. You may notice your child beginning to listen carefully to the conversations of other people and hear them imitate sounds they hear in these conversations. The first word-like sounds made by babies are usually of the consonant sounds p, b, m, t, and d.

The development that happens during the first year is very important and delightful to witness as your child conquers each new milestone to becoming a full grown human being. Keep in mind that all children are different and the age that your child starts to develop each new skill will vary with each child, and it is rare that there is a major problem if your child should experience a delay in development of a certain milestone.

When I moved into my first apartment I remember feeling so overwhelmed because I was running out to the store to get important things for my new living space at least once a day. All the little things that your parents had that you took for granted like shower curtain liners, pots and pans, toasters, spatulas, whisks, condiments, clothes hamper, etc. I always needed one little thing to finish what I was doing and it was hard. I can only imagine what it will be like trying to buy what I need for a new baby and avoid running to the store for a small but important forgotten item.

I have often thought that while apartment shopping it would have been nice to have a checklist of things needed. It also would have been nice to know what I wouldn’t need as well. I found myself buying things I thought I needed but didn’t, like that orange juicer that I have never used. I am sure that even with preparation, having a baby will sweep me away into the never-ending ocean of “especially for baby” but necessary items. But even still, forward thinking, I have done a little research and prepared a list of things that every expecting Mother needs and a few that you could probably go without when deciding what to buy for your new baby.

So what CAN you live without?

• Baby bathtub - People seem to have trouble with these, either because they are hard to use, hard to store or the baby doesn’t like them. It seems just as easy to take the baby into the bath with you.
• Car bottle warmer - A good idea, but they don’t tend to warm up quickly enough on quick trips.
• Cradles/Bassinets/Cribs - It could be that the trend toward the family bed is giving people an alternative to cradles and bassinets, but many mothers said they took up too much space and babies were rarely, if ever, happy in them.
• Pillows are NOT RECOMMENDED, babies do not need them, and furthermore pillows are associated with crib death.
• Diaper Genie - most people find these frustrating to operate.
• Changing table - They take up a lot of space and don’t allow for the most versatile storage. Many parents find it just as easy to convert a bureau to a changing table or just change the baby on the floor.

So what CAN’T you live without?

• Car seats - are not items to skimp on. Unless you know the previous owner very well, car seats are not good items to get second-hand. Manufacturers advise that any car seat that has been in any kind of accident, no matter how minor, must be replaced. Car seats are carefully constructed to protect their precious cargo, and any compromise to the structure could limit its effectiveness.
• Stroller - Many infants do well in a sling, but if you’re talking about long walks or shopping, a stroller helps manage all your bundles.
• Carrier/Sling - Keeps baby close while keeping hands free.
• Floor gym/Playpen - Because sometimes you need to go to the bathroom.
• Onsies for summer babies and Jammies for winter babies - It is wise to resist the urge to buy “outfits” at this stage of the game. Babies spit up, drool, and wet themselves a lot so the best thing to have on hand is lots of onsies for summer babies and jammies for winter babies. Newborn infants must have their heads covered outside in all but the warmest summer months (when they should stay out of the sun, entirely) so be sure to have plenty of cozy stretchy hats on hand, too.
• Diapers, Medicine and General Care Items:
  • Several packages of diapers in newborn and infant sizes.
  • Several giant packages of wipes.
  • A stash of small wash clothes - and a plastic dish for water for sponge baths on the changing table.
  • Diaper rash creams.
  • Infant ibuprofen and acetaminophen - (Tylenol and Motrin)
  • Anti-gas drops.
  • Nasal aspirator - (babies can’t blow their noses so the aspirator may be necessary to help clear congested nasal passages. There are different kinds out there and the hospital will give you one. They all work differently, so it’s nice to have the variety to experiment with.)
  • Rubbing alcohol and cotton balls - to clean the belly button stump (and to help sterilize clippers, tweezers and nasal aspirators.)
  • A grooming kit - with soft hair brush, comb, tweezers and infant nail clippers.
  • A rectal thermometer - Fancy pacifier thermometers and under-arm patches, in-the-ear thermometers and forehead strips don’t do the job. The most reliable way to take a temperature is rectally. Have your health practitioner show you how to do this on your baby so you are confident that you can take his or her temperature in the middle of the night, if the need arises.
  • Hand soap and anti-bacterial wash - (if you prefer it) for the bathroom for folks to wash their hands before touching the newborn. Hand wash in the diaper bag for the road.

Ask your friends what tools they couldn’t do without and plan the amount of space you have to devote to your baby’s gear. For gear the baby might reject, like swings, borrow one before buying one. Collecting hand-me-downs from relatives or friends is a great help. Another source is a baby shower. You will receive gifts from friends and relatives for you’re soon to be newborn. After all this is collected, you can sit down and take stock of what you have and don’t have. Make a complete listing of what you need before you go out and shop, otherwise you may go over budget and get things that you really don’t need. If you do forget something its ok it is good to buy what you need when you need it. It’s easier and cheaper than buying everything and then disposing of things that don’t work. The number one thing your baby will need is your love and attention; if it has that everything else is just a detail.

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet. William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) English dramatist, poet Romeo and Juliet, II:2

When we went to the hospital to deliver our twins, we had prepared a list of baby names worthy of the forty (40) weeks of anticipation for our babies’ birth. The list consisted of myriad names, all with sentimental value, significant literal meaning, or hip-sounding “twinny” alliteration.

All of the ultrasounds had been labeled “Baby A” and “Baby B.” Although we thought we were prepared, the twin girls born on April 14, 1997, remained “Baby A” and “Baby B” as we sought for names that were worthy of such special, beautiful babies. When the girls were born, we looked at those tiny faces of the five (5) pound bundles of joy, and decided that none of the names on our list really “fit.”

I know it sounds silly that two unformed, premature infants would astound us in such a way as to make putting a name on a birth certificate such a perplexing feat. But, it is a permanent, lasting “label,” if you will. Some believe it actually foretells a child’s destiny. (Some understand it will at least foretell a child’s treatment on the playground.)

Born in 1971, my parents named me “Starr.” My father tells me it is due to his obsession with the television show, “Star Trek.” My mother will say it is because a print of Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” hung in their bedroom. One of my mother’s hippie students came to visit me as a baby. Over a bowl of chocolate ice cream, she remarked, “Well… At least you didn’t name her… ‘COW’!” My grandmother said, “I am not going to call her that. That is not a name!” My mother asked, “What are you going to call her then?” Her response: “I don’t know, but I’m not going to call her THAT!”

While thumbing through baby name books, I found my name, Starr, under the category of: “Names that are too much to live up to.” Perhaps.

It was now time to name my children.

After three (3) days of deliberation and prayer, we came up with the names “Zoe Claire” and “Skylar Ruth.” Zoe means “life” in Greek. Claire means “bright & shining” in French. Skylar means “scholar” in Dutch, and Ruth is Biblical and means “compassionate friend.”

We announced the names of our twins to all of the family except my mother-in-law, Ruth. She came to the hospital and proclaimed, “Do my granddaughters have names yet?”

The room was filled with relatives who were thrilled with the babies and the nomenclature. I told her their names were “Zoe” and “Skylar.” With a laugh, she said, “No — really — what are their names?”

Her reaction yielded a roomful of chuckles as my father whispered, “Ruth, they’re serious.”

Stunned, she replied, “Oh… What are their middle names?”

“Zoe Claire and Skylar Ruth.”

Ignoring the fact that one of them bore her name, she continued in shock, “How do you spell those names?!”

Today, she thinks these names are both beautiful and God-given. My grandmother eventually felt the same about my stellar name.

Do not be surprised if, on the day you meet your new offspring, you will be taken aback as we were, and throw out all preconceived notions of his or her destiny, and, most of all, the name he/she will carry with them throughout their life.

Dirty Works: If you’re a parent, you know poo. Not Winnie the Pooh, though you’ve probably encountered him once or twice, too. Poo poo, the real deal. The stuff of legend.

Every parent has a good poo story. There’s that time Isabella’s diaper somehow split open in the car seat or when Justin took his diaper off by himself in the restaurant? That was fun. No matter how good your story is, though, I promise I’ve got you beat. I did time as a preschool teacher.

You think you’re prepared for this stuff going in, really you do. Maybe you have kids of your own, or you’ve babysat tons, or you have lots of little nieces and nephews and you just love taking care of them. But nothing, really, can ready you for the big diaper leagues: the industrial-strength stenches of an institutional setting; the staggering diversity of recycled foodstuffs (oh my goodness, what was he eating!); the places that stuff can go-as if it had locomotive power of its own sometimes; the sheer, weighty, volume of it.

Now, I didn’t start out as a preschool teacher completely unschooled. I had kids of my own; I went for a year of training and certification-with some very specific instructions on diapering, I might add. I had expectations and the qualifications that justified them, so I thought. Then I started work.

My career began the day after a hurricane hit our area and knocked out the power. School went on since we had lots of windows and wonderful natural lighting, and no electrical toys and gadgets anyway. What we didn’t have, however, was a window in the bathroom.

My very first professional diaper I changed by flashlight. And it didn’t go well. Somehow, in the dark and amidst the general odor, I didn’t notice the-relatively-solid mass that had fallen to the floor as the diaper was removed. Suffice it to say, we both needed a bath by the time that child was changed-and I didn’t even know it.

But that’s not even the worst story. Another school I worked for had a lovely, fashionable, and very clean bathroom for toddlers. A long, low row of sinks, a row of stalls without doors to reduce fears and encourage peer encouragement, beautiful pastel colors and white wainscoting. A very inviting place, really. We also had a pair of toddlers who liked to go together, and since our school philosophy encouraged independence, we encouraged them. And they encouraged each other.

When I found them, they had completely, well, redecorated shall we say? It was a (recycled) food fight. It was just about everywhere-and oh, did I mention, we had a ceiling fan in the bathroom?

Yup, the stuff actually hit the fan.

Your baby will be given the Apgar test. This test [named for Dr, Virginia Apgar, the pediatrician who devised it] is to assess whether your baby needs extra medical care right away. Babies with breathing problems or nervous system problems may need extra care, the Apgar score is determined twice-one minute after birth and then again five minutes after birth-and gives your doctor an idea of whether these problems exist. Usually scores of between seven and ten are signs that your baby is in good condition. If his scores are below seven you baby may be taken to the nursery for observation and care. Be sure to ask about your baby’s Apgar scores.

Apgar Scoring

Within the first hour after birth, most babies receive a medication in their eyes. This might be erythromycin or tetracycline [both antibiotics] or silver nitrate. As required by law in all states and provinces, these medications are given to reduce infections of the eye, which could result in blindness. On rare occasions, a mother may have organisms in her vagina which, if picked up by the baby during birth, could cause eye infections. Gonococcus and Chlamydia are two common organisms that can cause serious problems. Because we do not have laboratory tests that are one hundred percent accurate in discovering whether a woman has these organisms, laws exist to protect babies who might be infected unexpectedly. Many parents prefer the antibiotic ointment over silver nitrate, since they do not burn or irritate baby’s eyes as silver nitrate does. Your baby’s vision will be blurry until the ointment is absorbed.

This immediate care can be done with your baby in your arms or very close by. Once these procedures are completed, you may spend some uninterrupted time with your baby. Although your nurse or midwife will be observing the baby and periodically checking your temperature, your blood pressure and the condition of your uterus, she should try and stay in the background and disturb you as little as possible. This is the time you and your partner can become acquainted with the baby and start the first feeding, if you plan to breastfeed. Most parents describe this as a wonderful time. Usually the baby is alert and calm, very interested in your faces and voices, and in the new sounds he is hearing. When held close to your breast, your baby will begin nuzzling and licking, and then will take the nipple in his mouth and begin to suckle.

Even after a long, tiring labor, you and your baby will probably be wide awake and interested in each other. After spending one or several hours together, both you and the baby will probably doze off, possibly very soundly.

Choosing an appropriate name for your baby may not be as easy as you expected. Husbands and wives are not always in agreement about the choice of a first name or even a middle name. You will certainly have plenty of names-and suggestions of names- from which to choose. Sometimes compromise is the best solution.

Naming customs vary from culture to culture, yet name giving is as universal as language. In America we are very democratic about naming babies; mothers and fathers listen to family, friends, strangers, and their own impulses before bestowing a name on their newborn.

Many of our names come from the Bible, which means they are often of Greek or Hebrew origin. Our most common biblical names-John, James, Mary, Ruth, Mark, Rebecca, Joseph, Susan, David, Daniel, Jason, Matthew Judith, and their variations-count for more than fifty per cent of our forenames. Another large group is derived from the Teutonic [or Germanic] languages. These include such names as, William, Brenda, Roger, Frederick, Caroline, and Emily.

Our last names, or surnames, have long been used as first or middle names. English, Teutonic, and Norse surnames, including Ashley, Marion, Clayton, Kimberly, Adair, Shirley, and Mildred are commonly given as first names. And the lines between masculine and feminine names are also blurring. Names like Pat, Chris, Leslie, Robin, Sydney, Lee and Hilary could all raise the question whether a letter should begin “Dear Ms.” Or “Mr.”

Along with the Bible, our families provide the source for baby names. These traditions can pass on such interesting first or middle names as Taylor, Tyler and Huntington. And the maiden name of the mother is often given to a child as middle names as to keep the family name alive.

While you are free to name your child according to tradition, family custom, or creative impulse, consider first your responsibility in bestowing an appropriate name and then think about the following:

Is the name easily spelled and pronounced?

What nicknames or pet names can be derived from it?

Do the initials form a word? Is that word objectionable or apt to be embarrassing?

Is the name so unusual that it will draw undesired attention?

Be sure the name fits the gender of the child.

Give full names rather than diminutives; Robert Joseph is preferable to Bobby Joe.

Use care in naming your baby for well known personalities; celebrities fade or fall out of favour and your child will be left with a dated or unpopular name.

Consider how your choice of a first name flows with the last name, particularly if your last name is hyphenated.

Avoid choosing a first name that becomes “cute” in conjunction with your last name[ Barbie Doll, Sandy Rhodes, Holly Wood].

Finally, both parents should agree on the name- as much in advance of the delivery as possible.

Many baby books are available, should you feel a need for outside help in your decision. Read them, make notes, and discuss your reactions with your partner. Your child will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

It’s an amazing world out there, so much to do and explore, and so much to learn!

Have you ever seen a baby when they lay eyes on something new? With eyes full of wonder and as bright as can be, their little hands outstretched to touch and mouths wide open to taste, something new to them is something we as adults take for granted.

The biggest blessing is that we as parents rediscover our world and appreciate it all the more when accompanied by a baby who is so excited to see the newest thing in his/her life. So rush rush and hasty in our lives we bypass the true things that really matter. The beautiful, blue sky on a clear sunny day, a big bright moon on a dark night, the birds chirping and flitting about and the flowers in bloom in the spring, or even appreciation for gravity. Oh yes, baby’s biggest adventure is watching things drop while they are perched from a higher level than the floor.

Babies are born to explore and learn about their little discoveries with their hands, eyes and mouths. By touching and tasting, baby tries to learn what things are made of and, perhaps, what he can do with those interesting new objects. He/she is on a quest to make sense of the world, and it can be a complicated one at that!

One of the most important thing you can do for your child is to babyproof your home. Ensure that your home is babyproofed from top to bottom.

1. Keep small objects out of reach.
2. Shorten drapes and bind cords.
3. Lock cleaners and any potentially dangerous substances in a higher level cupboard. This includes alcohol, prescription and non-prescription drubs, paint, gasoline, etc.
4. Cover electrical outlets with a child-resistant outlet cover.
5. Place screened barriers around fireplaces and radiators.
6. Install gates at the top and bottom of staircases.
7. Keep appliance cords wrapped short so children cannot pull.
8. Place houseplants out of child’s reach.
9. Position audio and video equipment so the child cannot pull them off furniture.
10. Always use a safety belt when your baby is sitting in a bouncing seat, swing, or highchair.

And the list goes on! Safety should always come first when it comes to your baby and child.

There are various ways that you can aide in the development of your little bundle of joy. Not only will they encourage and stimulate but these times will create an enjoyable time together and strengthen the bond you have with your child.

alk to your baby and describe or explain the activiting you are doing. Stimulate your baby with toys that educate, books that encourage language, teaches about objects, people and animals, and a love of reading, and music that is fun and provides laughter yet can also be calming during fussy times. Instill in your child a love of learning. Not only will these activities engage the baby, they will boost confidence and happiness.

Each and every day is a milestone and each day brings a new discovery in the life of a baby. These times are to be enjoyed and while baby is on his/her quest for discovering, you will find appreciation in the little things in life.

Searching for a perfect gift for baby and parents? Cuddles ‘n Gifts has a fabulous selection of vibrant baby book gift baskets in addition to fabulous Baby Einstein Gifts. You can’t go wrong in choosing a gift that stimulates and encourages baby’s development.

Remember Christmas when you were a kid? My mother puts the presents out about a month early so I would have to see the gifts everyday and wait in impatient anticipation for the day when I could find out what was inside. To me being pregnant is like having to see that packaged gift everyday for nine months and have to wait to see what was inside. As with the Christmas gifts the waiting made them that much more fun but still you want to know what your baby will look like. Will he have daddy’s curly black hair or mommy’s straight blonde hair? Will have aunt May’s musical talent or will she have Uncle Jon’s athletic abilities? It’s all in the genes. Here are a few ways that your genes effect what your gift will look and act like.

Hair & Eye Color

Since lighter colored eyes like blue, green or gray are recessive genes your baby is more likely to have lighter eyes if both parents have light colored eyes. However it is possible for two brown eyed parents to have a child with blue eyes if at least two of the grandparents have blue eyes. Hair is similar, the lighter shades of hair are recessive genes so darker hair is dominant and if both parents have dark hair their baby will most likely have dark hair as well.

Height

Your child’s height is not only influenced by genes (about 70%) but also by health, nutrition and other outside factors.(about 30%). Also whether the child is male or female plays a part since boys usually grow taller than girls. A fun way to try and determine the height that your child will grow to be add the parents’ heights together, divide by two, then add three inches for a boy or subtract three inches for a girl. Keep in mind that even though this is a pretty effective way to estimate how tall your baby will be, the height of your child can be up to five inches above or below your calculations.

Personality and Talents

Scientists have not yet been able to prove that there are specific genes that determine whether your child will be musically inclined or a mathematical, however they agree that there is a link between these things and hereditary. In one study scientists found that a person with perfect musical pitch was four times more likely to report a family member with perfect pitch and many research studies have shown that the more closely related two people are the similar their IQ’s are. Scientists consider geniuses to have a rare combination of superior genes which may require little formal schooling, like Leonardo de Vinci and William Shakespeare.

Dominant Traits

• Big eyes
• Prominent noses
• Dimples
• Cleft chins
• Thick lips
• Long lashes
• Curly hair is dominant over straight unless one of the parents is of Asian descent. (Asians have a unique straight hair gene that tends to dominate all the others.)

Even the most impatient mother knows that half the fun in raising children is the exciting twists and turns your child will make. Finding out at age 4 that your daughter has an amazing singing talent or blonde hair turning darker as your child ages are changes that make parenting a fun and unpredictable journey.

Choosing a baby name will be one of the most important things you decide for your baby. It will be with them all of their life. Its one of the first challenges you will face in parenthood. W.H. Auden said “proper names are poetry in the raw”.

`Many people think that popular names are the best choice for a child. Some people want a unique name for their baby so that they will feel confident and special. Americans today have some pretty amusing ways of naming their children. They are named for prized possessions. In 2000, birth certificates revealed that there were 298 Armanis, 269 Chanels, 49 Canons, 6 Timberlands, 5 Jaguars and 353 girls named Lexus in the United States! So if the US is naming their children after cars, ever wonder how people in other countries or throughout history have chosen names for their children?

In Elizabethan England they named their children at the baptism, a few days after the birth. Like many other newborns of the time, they were named after one of your godparents. The names that were considered acceptable during this time were considerably smaller than what we are used to today. Elizabeth, Anne, Joan, Margaret, Alice, Mary, and Agnes accounted for approximately sixty-five percent of all girls’ names. John, Thomas, William, Richard, and Robert accounted for approximately sixty percent of male names. Naming baby in old England was fairly simple but pretty boring.

The Chinese wouldn’t dare name a child before it is born. They give the child a fake or “milk” name that is something very unpleasant like “mud face” or “excrement,” this is believed to trick evil spirits and make them stay away from the child. After the child is born, when the baby is about a month old they throw a baby naming party called a red egg and ginger party. The egg represents fertility and is dyed red for good luck, there is a huge feast where the baby’s hair is shaved and gifts are given.

Muslim parents name their child on his or her birthday or at an “Aqeeqah.” Held on the seventh day after baby’s birth, a sacrifice of a goat or sheep is given at the ceremony (two for a boy, one for a girl). The infant’s head is then shaved and covered with saffron. It is important to Muslims to give their child a good name, determined by its meanings, which should be beautiful.

In many regions of Africa, naming ceremonies are extensive and elaborate, with special prayers recited by an appointed religious teacher. Usually, animals are sacrificed during these proceedings. Africans mostly choose names that denote the time (”Abena”-born on Thursday), something that represents the times (”Iniko”-born during troubled times), a physical characteristic (”Hassain”-handsome), or the child’s position within the family (”Delu”-the only girl).

In the state of Maharashtra, India you will walk in on a beautiful image of a baby in the cradle, decorated with flower garlands and surrounded by women singing hymns and gently rocking the cradle. The mother or a grandmother then enters the room with a lit silver lamp and a small gold jewel for the child. Afterwards, the baby is blessed with rice and a small dot of vermilion is placed on her forehead. Blessings are said again, and the ceremony ends with the mother whispering the gods’ names and then whispering the child’s name in her ear. Finally, the name is announced to the guests.

Hopefully, these naming traditions have inspired you to begin your own naming traditions. The closest thing that Americans have today as a naming tradition is the mailing of the birth certificate. Think of a fun way to celebrate the naming of your child and start planning.

I think we’ve all experienced it as parents at one time or another. We come to pick up our little angel from the daycare or school and are delighted to see our child playing with the other little darlings. Seeing that our angel is occupied with a few toys, we take a moment to chat with the daycare provider or teacher about the angel and the craziness of our past 3 to 6 hours. Then, the unthinkable shatters our pristine picture of discourse.

The sound of clinking toys. A whine. A smack. High pitched shrieks. Outright crying.

Ah, yes. The sounds of sharing-gone-wrong become familiar to us once again.

We do the best we can. We tell our child a firm no or be nice and if necessary we scoop him up away from the other children and try desperately to distract him with something-anything! Of course, even if we manage to calm our angel down (by now our child’s halo seems decidedly crooked, no matter how many dimples are in his cheeks), we can’t help but feel a more than subtle exhaustion.

In the preschool years, kids show a remarkably sharp increase in how much they act out. Understandably, this is both disconcerting and frustrating to parents, but it becomes less so if a parent understands how their little one is developing mentally. What’s really happening is just that the child is finally learning that they are a separate being with distinct influences on people and objects. Once they’ve learned they have this influence and autonomy, they are reluctant to relinquish it. They become more willing to defend what they perceive as theirs because they do not necessarily recognize that other children have the same influence and autonomy that they have. In other words, kids act out because they simply are not mentally developed enough to understand that the self has a social role as well as an individual one.

In terms of parenting, the young child’s concept of self means that a parent needs to be careful that the child learns the correct social actions rather than mere punishment. If a parent responds to their child’s inappropriate behavior with only yelling or physical reprimands, then the child learns that they will receive yelling or physical reprimands if their behavior is repeated. This may deter delinquent behavior to a degree, but it does nothing to teach the child what the appropriate action really is. The child still will have no frame of reference for what to do in place of their inappropriate behavior.

All people, even children, are social creatures, and social behavior is very much a learned thing. Parents need to be firm with their children when the children have behaved inappropriately, but because children learn primarily by observation in their first few years, parents also need to make sure that their young child has opportunities to see good social behavior modeled. If modeling is provided, a young child has something to counter an egocentric view. It won’t make every tantrum stop, but it may help.

I don’t usually get time to wander in the store, but yesterday was the exception to the rule. As a writer, I normally get sucked into the stationery/home office aisles (I can’t help it, I love the smell of paper), but as a woman with a very loud uterus (I refer to her affectionately as Thorina), I inevitably end up in the toy aisles sooner or later.

It wasn’t long before I noticed again the phenomenon that happens in the toy aisles of just about every department store. Dark blues and greens turned pink and shiny, and remote control cars gave way to plastic tiaras. Legos were replaced with soft, cushy baby dolls, and military action figures became plastic tea and dish sets.

Gender roles are taught to kids through all kinds of things-toys are just one of them. When a little girl takes care of her “baby” (doll), she’s not just playing; she’s actually learning her gender expectation. When a little boy receives toys that mostly have motors and require batteries, he’s learning his gender expectation, too.

Does anyone else find it ironic that we as parents spend all this effort and money trying to mold our kids only to watch much of it disintegrate over time? Men are staying home with the kids. Women are joining the army and making big bucks in lucrative full time careers. Unisex items are more popular than they’ve ever been.

So why do we do it? Why do we continue to doll up our little girls and make workers out of our little boys? I’m not saying that we as parents should send our sons to school in dresses or shave off our little girls’ luxurious bright blonde curls. What I am saying is that if we want to teach our children to really be themselves, we can only determine who they will be so much. What’s so wrong with letting our little boy join in his sister’s game of taking care of “baby”? (Aren’t we always yelling about deadbeat dads?) What’s so wrong with letting our little girl play with a GI Joe? (Don’t we say that we want to have strong women who can look out for themselves?) Besides, anyone with more than one kid knows that toys get stolen and broken by siblings almost before they’re out of the box, and if you buy unisex, your kids have more toys with which they all can play. Kids don’t care what it is unless we teach them they should care-they just want to play.

Changing social constructs isn’t easy. I know that, and there are honestly some things for which women are better suited and some for which men are better suited. Even so, I think that as parents, we seem to be feeding a sort of double standard to our children when it comes to gender roles-we tell them when they’re little what it means to be a “boy” or “girl”, and then when they get older, we encourage them to defy that. What gives? Do we want them to be boys and girls or not? It’s something to keep in mind next time you have to face the toy aisles again.

If your baby is a boy, you will decide to have him circumcised or not. In hospitals it is usually done in the second day of life, and parents do need to use special care in diaper changes and keeping the area clean for a week or two after surgery. If you decide not to circumcise, there is no special care of the penis. The one thing to remember is that at birth the foreskin of the penis is usually not separate from the end of the penis, as it is in an older uncircumcised boy. Therefore, you should not try to pull the foreskin back. To do so could cause tearing of the skin and scarring, which could be a real problem later in life. The best care for an uncircumcised penis is to leave it alone except to wash and rinse it whenever the baby has a bath.

Some researchers conclude that there are significant health benefits to both the circumcised male and his future spouse-other investigators disagree. Although most men and boys in the United States are circumcised, the practice of non-religious circumcision remains controversial.

To treat simple diaper rash or ammonia rash, keep your baby as dry as possible, changing diapers frequently, even if they are only slightly wet, and avoid any airtight coverings. If you favor cloth diapers, use double diapers during the daytime. Triple diapers at night. Put a pad under the baby and let him lie undiapered sometimes, if possible. Wash the diaper area with plain water each time you change your baby, and apply a protective cream or ointment such as petroleum jelly, zinc oxide, or vitamin A&D ointment, or an ointment combining zinc oxide, cod liver oil, petroleum, and lanolin. Use only one type of ointment at a time, unless your doctor has instructed you to use more than one. Do not dust the baby’s skin with cornstarch, a remedy that used to be recommended, it has been found to encourage the growth of fungi. Try a different brand of laundry soap on cloth diapers and do not use fabric softener on every wash load, because your baby may be sensitive to buildup of the product. Give cloth diapers a try if you are using disposables, or switch brands; and try disposables if you are using cloth diapers. Cut down on the use of powders and oils for your baby, and be sure that any you use are mild and non-allergenic. If you are using colored toilet tissue to clean your baby’s genital area, switch to plain white.

An allergic rash from foods or drugs is more likely to occur in an older baby who is eating several different kinds of foods, or perhaps taking some kind of medication than one who is fed only on breast milk or formula. The treatment is to stop giving any new foods, beverages, or medicines started within the past month, and then to give the child one of these items each week. If one causes the rash to return, the culprit has been found and can be eliminated permanently. Remember to consult your doctor before starting or stopping medication.

Treat a rash caused by an infection or contagious disease by washing the diaper area with soap and water and frequently applying an antibiotic ointment, such as bacitricin, or neomycin. If your baby has any other symptom of illness, such as fever or loss of appetite, if the diaper rash is spreading or severe, or if it gets worse after two days of home treatment, see your doctor. He or she may identify the rash by appearance or may culture or scrape the rash to identify bacteria or fungi. The doctor may prescribe a medicated ointment.

When you are bathing or changing your baby, you are likely to see signs of diaper rash; almost all babies have it at one time or another. Diaper rashes may be caused by moisture, urine, irritating chemicals in diapers, whether cloth or disposable. These rashes can usually be identified by their appearance, their location, and other typical symptoms of different types of rashes.

Simple diaper rashes are red, slightly rough, and scaly. The rash may appear over the whole area touched by the diaper. The skin may be irritated by chemicals used in laundering cloth diapers-detergent, bleach, whitener, water softener, or soap. Plastic or rubber pants worn over cloth diapers sometimes affect the skin. The skin may also react to the chemicals used in manufacturing disposable diapers.

Ammonia rash is a form of diaper rash caused by the urine itself. The skin is literally burned by the ammonia that is formed when urine is decomposed by normal bacteria on the skin. Not surprisingly, ammonia rash is worse after the child has been asleep for a long period of time without a diaper change. It is identified by an ammonia smell, noticeable when you change the diaper.

Besides these two basic diaper rashes, a variety of other rashes may appear in the diaper area, including those caused by an allergy to a food or drug, by a skin infection, or by a contagious disease, such as chicken pox or measles.

If your baby develops a rash in the diaper area, look for the signs that indicate these different types of rashes. The appearance and location of the rash, an ammonia odor, or a rash elsewhere on the body are all clues. Asking yourself a few pertinent questions can help you and your doctor find the cause of the rash. For example, have you recently switched from cloth to disposable diapers, or changed brands of disposables? Have you made any changes in your laundry products? Has the baby been given any new food [a change in formula, perhaps, or the addition of cereal to a feeding], or medication?

Cradle cap [seborrheic dermatitis] Is a skin condition which yellowish, scaly or crusty patches made up largely of oil and dead ski cells appear on the scalp. The condition is most common in infants, but it is seen occasionally seen in children through age five. Some temporary loss of hair may even occur. While the patches most often appear on the scalp. They may extend onto the forehead. They may also appear on the skin fold behind the baby’s ears, behind the ears themselves and in the diaper area. The most typical area is over the soft spot [ anterior fontanel] on top of the baby’s head.

Cradle cap is quite common and not difficult to treat. Mild cases can usually be cleared up by daily shampooing, using regular baby soap on a wet, rough facecloth wrapped around your hand. Soften the crusts first by massaging a small amount of baby oil into the baby’s scalp and leaving it there overnight. Rub the baby’s head vigorously during both the washing and the drying, don’t worry about the soft spots; you won’t hurt them. Gently comb the baby’s scalp, whether or not he has hair.

If regular shampooing doesn’t work, you can use a special shampoo that contains coal tar or salicylic acid. Your doctor or pharmacist can recommend one. Ointments containing sulfur, salicylic acid, or coal tar can be used for especially difficult cases. Be especially careful to keep medicated shampoos and ointments out of your baby’s eyes, and stop using them if the scalp or skin becomes irritated or red. If the cradle cap doesn’t respond to treatment, see your doctor, who can determine if a yeast infection or an allergic reaction may be causing the problem.

Many babies are bathed daily, though, because bath time can be so much fun for both parents and baby, once the initial apprehension wears off. Fathers often opt for this pleasant activity simply because it is so enjoyable. You’ll want to set up and follow a regular routine for bathing, at least until you are well accustomed to the procedure. At the onset, though, remember: Never leave your baby alone in the water for any reason! No matter how much or how little water is in the tub, or how quickly you will return, the bath is never a safe place for an unattended baby or small child. Do not even turn your back. Your child requires constant, second to second supervision! Now here’s a bath procedure you might follow:

1. Be sure the room where you will bathe your baby is warm and not drafty. Lay out everything you will need, including the clean clothes in which you will dress the baby when the bath is finished. Consider unplugging the telephone, you will not interrupt the bath if it rings.
2. Put a portable tub or basin on a table or countertop at a comfortable height. Or bathe the baby right in the kitchen sink, being careful to run cold water last so the baby won’t be burned if her skin touches the faucet.
3. Unless you use a specially contoured tub designed to keep the baby from slipping, line the tub or sink with a towel.
4. Put only a couple inches of lukewarm water in the tub or sink, until you get used to bathing the baby. She will enjoy deeper water in which to move about when you are a lot more confident. Remember that water that seems comfortably warm to your hand will be too hot for your baby. It should register about 90 degrees to 100 degrees on a bath thermometer or feel pleasantly warm on the sensitive skin on the inside of your elbow.
5. Ease the baby gently into the tub. Using a soft cloth, wash the baby’s face with plain water. The baby’s face will not be really dirty, and soap in the eyes will only hurt the baby, and make the rest of the bath both miserable to parent and infant. You might like to wear a pair of old, white cotton gloves, which will serve as a washcloth and reduce the chances of a slippery baby escaping your hands. Hold the baby with a “football grip,” with your hand and wrist supporting her head and neck. Sing and talk as you go along to entertain the baby and to reassure both of you.
6. Wash the baby’s abdomen and back, arms and legs, and genitalia and rectal area carefully, using a little mild baby soap if you wish. Pay special attention to the skin folds and creases. If your baby boy has not been circumcised, gently pull back the foreskin and wash the tip of the penis, then completely pull the skin over it again.
7. Using soap, especially if the baby has cradle cap, rub the baby’s scalp gently but vigorously with the cloth or your gloved fingers. Still holding the baby like a football, tip her head backward slightly and rinse the soap off, being careful not to get any suds in the baby’s eyes.
8. Take the baby from the tub and quickly pat her dry. If you pin a large, soft towel around your neck before you start the bath, it will be available to wrap up the baby warmly as well as keep you dry during the bath.
9. Use cotton swabs to clean creases in and behind the baby’s ears, but never use them to clean the ear canal, nose, or any other body opening.
10. Be sparing in the use of any powders or oils after the baby’s bath. If you do use powder, shake it into your hand first, away from the baby’s face so she will not inhale it and draw it into the lungs. Be aware also that powder can build up in the creases and cause rashes.

Most babies love being immersed in warm bath water, almost from their first baths. Later, it’s common for them to be afraid of the water. Enjoy the bath while you can and try not to hurry it. It’s really playtime for your baby to relax her muscles and make little swimming motions with the arms and legs, enjoying the buoyancy the water provides. Occasionally a baby will not care for the bath at first though, and will scream loudly to let you know that she is too hungry to wait, that the water is either too warm or too cold, or that her sense of security is threatened by being put in the bath water alone. A happy solution may be to bathe together. Run water in the big tub, a little cooler than you usually have it, and holding the baby closely in your arms, ease down into it. Enjoy the skin to skin contact. Mothers can nurse the baby if he or she wishes it.

This is the most common chromosomal abnormality and affects about 1 in 650 live-born infants. The risk of having a baby with Down syndrome increases with the mother’s age. At 20, a woman has about a one in 2,000 chance of having an affected child. At the age of 30 the likelihood has risen to about one in 900, and by 40 to about one in 100. After this it rises still more steeply, so that a 43year-old mother has about a one-in-50 chance and a 47-year-old mother, about a one-in-20 chance. By age 50, the chance is about one in 10. There is also evidence that the risk of having a baby with Down syndrome increases if the father is older than 55.

The most significant problem faced by children with Down syndrome is that they are mentally disabled, although the degree of disability varies. Some can, with help and stimulation, achieve IQs of about 80, considered to be the low end of the normal spectrum; many have IQs of less than 50 and are severely mentally disabled. Children with Down syndrome are also recognized by their flattened profile, slanted eyes with an extra fold and stubby fingers. Most grow slowly and are small for their age. Many have additional disabilities-heart defects, eye abnormalities, hearing problems and a tendency to respiratory infections are common. Babies with Down syndrome are characteristically “floppy” at birth and many have problems with breastfeeding because they may lack the strength to feed properly as well as the reflex to suck.

Most women expect to have a normal, healthy baby when they go into labor, although a very small number may know that their baby is likely to be born with disabilities. When things go wrong and a woman has to face this at the time of the birth, the shock and disbelief can be devastating.

“They told us after the birth that she wasn’t normal. I refused to listen. I said, ‘If you’re worried about her slanting eyes, my other children had that. They’re my husband’s eyes.’ Then they showed me how she didn’t have normal reflexes and how floppy she was and one or two other things and I had to believe it was true. My husband was also told, and he didn’t know what to say; we couldn’t look at one another. My first feeling for the baby was absolute hate: I hated her for not being normal. I seriously thought of giving her up for adoption. That feeling lasted a day or two.”

It may take the parents days, weeks and sometimes even months to accept what has happened and to acknowledge that a baby born with some form of disability needs just as much love and care as a normal baby.

“I wouldn’t talk to the other mothers, or the staff, wouldn’t see my family and wouldn’t see the baby. Then I thought, she can’t be that bad, I’ll just go look at her. She was asleep. The nurses had been feeding her. I just looked and looked at her and she was so tiny, so beautiful, like my other babies had been. I felt a rush of love and when my husband came I was feeding her and crying. I told him, ‘We have to keep her, she needs us more than anyone.’ He just smiled and smiled and said, ‘That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear. It doesn’t matter, we’ll love her anyway.’ I won’t say things have been easy, but I don’t regret having her now, although of course sometimes I wish she had been normal.”

Down syndrome is the most common chromosomal abnormality involving an extra chromosome - chromosome 21, in this case. There are others, such as Edward’s syndrome, or Trisomy 18, involving an extra eighteenth chromosome. Edward’s syndrome is the most common Trisomy after Down syndrome, and occurs in about one in 5,000 live births. It leads to multiple congenital disabilities and most children die within a few days or weeks after birth, despite medical intervention. Edward’s syndrome babies are usually small, with tiny features and pixie like ears, and have internal heart and kidney abnormalities. As with other chromosomal abnormalities of this kind, there is some association with maternal age.

I can’t thank my family enough for throwing me a beautiful baby shower. They went all out - the pink and blue cake, homemade food, plates and napkins with baby buggies on them, the favors, the diaper cake, the surprise - the whole nine yards. My little girl has all pink dresses and rompers, purple bedding, fleece blankets in every sweet pastel color and enough plush toys to carry her through toddler hood.

But, it was my office friends, the ones who threw me the “clean-up” baby shower, that I really need to thank. You know what a “clean-up” shower is - it’s the second baby shower, the one your “work” friends throw. They are never sure what to buy because your registry has been purchased, and you keep assuring them you have everything you could possibly need. Well, that’s what you think!

My friends at the office decided to throw a theme shower. The theme was entitled “Books and Butts.” Invitations were simply sent out via email with the poetic request that all gifts fit the theme. All of my presents were geared at keeping baby’s butt clean and dry and keeping Mommy sane with books for Daddy and baby to share!
Granted, opening presents didn’t have the same “WOW” factor, and I would later find writing thank you notes to be a bit monotonous, but each gift presentation came with advice from seasoned professionals. Each mom in the room offered her opinion as to the best diaper brand, the most economical baby wash or which story to read when my not-yet-born turns three and asks how babies are made!

My beautiful little girl is now 7 weeks old, and I have yet to buy a pack of diapers. Thanks to my friends, I know what brand works best for my little one’s bottom, after trying out every brand offered. Thanks to my friends, my husband has yet to make a midnight run for baby wipes. Thanks to my friends, I fear no diaper rash, and thanks to my friends, my little one has a library that rivals her Mommy’s.

My friend, the one who threw me the baby shower, is now pregnant for the first time with her own little one, and I can’t wait to return the favor. Now, a seasoned mom myself, I will send an email around the office, gather my advice, buy her my idea of the best brand of diapers on the market and be ready to tell her exactly why they are so. I will give her the best titles in baby books and smile knowing that whether she realizes it or not, this is the best baby shower anyone could ever have!

I remember how excited I was when my husband first said he wanted to “try”. Immediately I’d had visions of cribs and diaper bags and felt like dancing a jig. After all, I was young, healthy, and had oodles of love to give away, not to mention that everyone I knew was asking me when two would become three. Nothing could bring me down at that point from my hoping-for-baby induced euphoria.

I had gotten married during college, so in order to make sure I could finish classes, I’d started on birth control. I had figured that when my husband said that magic word (”try”), I’d celebrate and just send everyone at the birth control clinic thank-you-but-no-thanks-anymore cards. I would stop taking the birth control, immediately become pregnant, and all would be well.

It was a simple, brilliant plan.

Ok… maybe I didn’t send cards to the birth control clinic, but I did stop taking birth control. I had the ovulation kits. I had my online cycle calendar. I was so ready to have a kid.

Of course, then life happened.

After stopping the birth control, I was a complete mess. For starters, my doctor had made it a point to tell me that it might take two to three months for my cycle to find its own rhythm again. I figured that meant I might be late or early by a maybe a week, tops-after all, I was normally like a clock, anyway, and my doctor had said I might be irregular by “a few days”. I guess to him, “a few days” could be 3 or it could be 15. Guess what number I experienced.

Even a year after stopping the birth control, the ovulation kits and such became pretty useless and I gave up on the calendar tracking. Not even monitoring cervical fluid was predictable. I cried at everything and acted like the Tasmanian Devil in a dress to my husband-it’s a wonder he didn’t leave me, and I’m totally sure my fits of tears and screams were such a turn-on.

To make matters worse, babies were everywhere. A couple with which my husband and I are mutual friends announced the birth of their second daughter in two years. Oh, I’m so happy for you, I said-What, you just laid yourself down and got sprinkled with fertility juice? I thought. You weren’t even looking for these kids and you’ve got ‘em. I’m trying here and have squat. What gives?

Weeks later, I learned a scary truth about birth control-although most women experience normal cycles after three to six months, for some women, it can take up to two years before the cycle is back to its pre-birth-control rhythm. Now, if you aren’t planning to get pregnant any time soon, that’s no biggie except for the slight annoyance of a less predictable period. For someone who actually wants to try, however-well, that’s a whole different story.

Under the right circumstances, birth control can be a good thing, but women who are considering taking it need to understand that the decision to take it may affect those months after they pop their last pill. Remember that every woman is different. Talk to your doctor, but don’t be afraid to get online, go to the library, or make a few extra phone-calls, too.

It is supposed to be one of the most exciting and miraculous times in a woman’s life, becoming a mother and experiencing the joys of motherhood. However, for many women this time is a time of stress, anxiety, uncontrollable dangerous thoughts and depression. It is a disorder that is becoming more and more talked about thanks to brave women like Brooke Shields who openly talk about their experiences. It’s called postpartum depression a more severe, lasting depression than the baby blues and is experienced by up to 12% of women after delivery. Symptoms may include hopelessness, guilt, difficulty concentrating, poor appetite, and thoughts of suicide, or even thoughts of hurting your own child.

During the postpartum period up to 85% of women experience some type of mood disturbance, however, 10-15% of women experience a more disabling and persistent form of mood disturbance called postpartum depression or psychosis. So what is the difference between just the baby blues and depression or psychosis?

Baby Blues:

• The baby blues should only last about two weeks, the symptoms should peak at the fourth or fifth day and last for several days but then start to remit.
• Rapidly fluctuating mood, tearfulness, irritability, and anxiety are common symptoms.
• Symptoms do not interfere with a mother’s ability to function and to care for her child.

Postpartum Depression (PPD):

• Postpartum depression occurs in 10-15% of women in the general population.
• Depressed mood—tearfulness, hopelessness, and feeling empty inside, with or without severe anxiety.
• Anxiety is high, including worries or obsessions about the infant’s health and well-being.
• Those with a personal history of depression, previous episode of postpartum depression, or depression during pregnancy are at the highest risk.
• Loss of pleasure in either all or almost all of your daily activities.
• The mother may have negative feelings toward the infant. She may also have intrusive and unpleasant fears or thoughts about harming the infant, these tend to be fearful thoughts, rather than urges to harm.
• Thoughts about death or suicide.
• Noticeable change in how you walk and talk—usually restlessness, but sometimes sluggishness.
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, with no reasonable cause.
• Usually trouble with sleeping, even when your baby is sleeping.

Postpartum Psychosis:

• Although the symptoms can occur at anytime within the first three months after giving birth, women who have postpartum psychosis usually develop symptoms within the first two to three weeks after delivery.
• Postpartum psychosis symptoms usually appear quite suddenly; in 80% of cases, the psychosis occurs three to 14 days after a symptom-free period.
• Hallucinations
• Delusions
• Illogical thoughts
• Insomnia
• Refusing to eat
• Extreme feelings of anxiety and agitation
• Periods of delirium or mania
• Suicidal or homicidal thoughts
• Women with a personal history of psychosis, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia have an increased risk of developing postpartum psychosis.
• Women with postpartum psychosis are not always able to speak about it or get help on their own so it may be necessary for a partner or friend to get them the medical attention they need.

The key to preventing postpartum depression from taking over you life is to asses it as early as possible and get treatment. If you think that you may be suffering from postpartum depression or psychosis call your doctor immediately and start getting help so you can enjoy you baby and your life.

Our children need so much from us. Food, clothing, shelter, attention, touch, discipline, education, opportunity, a role model… If you are a mom, chances are you run through this list several times a day. “How can I provide everything my child needs? I have trouble keeping up with the daily laundry and dishes let alone planning for college!” The responsibility can tend to overwhelm us as mothers.

“Mommy guilt” is a common phrase. Why isn’t “Daddy guilt” as common? I propose it is due largely to the fact that men can compartmentalize. Men can “get in the zone” and focus on one thing without letting the other priorities or responsibilities of the day interfere with their concentration. Women, with their uncanny ability to multi-task, often tend to “multi-think” as well. This is considered a strength, but when analyzing and planning for our child’s daily well-being as well as future goals, our minds can race. How will we ever be able to accomplish all of the tasks and wear all of the hats necessary to be all our child needs us to be?

One answer is: We don’t. We are not the only one raising our child. More than likely, there is a father, grandparents, extended family, church members, educators, and neighbors present. Your children probably have many people influencing their lives to nurture and educate them.

What if you don’t have help? What if you are truly “on your own” raising your child as a single parent? The writer of this article is in the unique position to relate in this situation. I have been raising three daughters by myself for 5 years. I have had little to no involvement from their father or from my family and friends. I am comforted to know that there is also God (if you believe as I do) who gave me these precious souls to care for and who loves them even more than I do, though it is difficult to comprehend. There have been many times when I have had to trust in Him to make up for the parenting skills I lack.

One downfall of being an effective parent is guilt. There have been several instances when I have been out with friends for a drink, working late, getting a pedicure, spending money on clothes when the guilt-ridden, anxious thoughts flood in to say, “What about the girls? They need more time with you. You are always working. They need new shoes, not you. They need a college fund more than you need that new stereo. You want to go back to school? The years are passing by and they have not been given the opportunities of piano lessons or gymnastics lessons or…” And the guilt trip goes on.

Don’t let Mommy guilt hold you back. One thing I always have to keep in mind: They are watching me grow and develop and behave as an adult role model. Do I want them to think that life is all work and no play? Do I want them to deprive themselves of self-care and an occasional self-indulgence? Do I want them to learn from me that worry and strife can accomplish anything? Do I want them to feel my anxiety and lack of trust in my Higher Power to provide for our needs?

The answer is: Certainly not. I want them to grow in their giftings and become well-rounded individuals with faith, hope, love and generosity. Whenever I give of myself to others, invest time in bettering my education and talents, and pursue my dreams, they see “Mommy” in a whole new light. While I will continue to be a conscientious parent who will attend to my daughters’ needs to the best of my ability, I will not neglect myself as a human being. If I did, I would be setting a poor example for my little girls who will soon be young women, and possibly, mothers.

It is my hope that this message will encourage all mothers, regardless of their circumstances, to care for themselves and, in turn, teach their little ones to value their self-worth and make healthy, balanced choices — guilt-free.

Back when you first knew you were pregnant you suspected that nothing would ever be the same again. And pregnancy did slow you down a bit, but not enough to force you to stop doing most of those things that were important to you. Yes, you did have some pretty serious questions about the labor and birth experience, and may have spent a lot of time preparing for it.

But, there was no way anyone could prepare for the full-time responsibility of taking care of a new infant. You would not have believed, if anyone had told you, the many things you would have to give up to insure that this child would have a good start in life.

Time is chief among them. Time to sleep in with your husband on Saturday morning, making love in a leisurely fashion, when neither of you was too weary to enjoy it, and neither of you had to be anywhere else right away. Time to get together with a friend to see a new movie, or take another class towards your degree, and actually do the studying for it. Time just to sleep through at night.

For the past year, your attention has been centered on an area - as one woman put it - about the size of a receiving blanket. Your baby’s needs came first, and being able to take care of your needs has almost been a thing of the past.

You were there every day, slogging through the constant rounds of feeding and changing and cleaning up after your little one, in between those times when you were feeding, changing and cleaning up after him. Many of you have even figured out how to juggle your baby against a demanding work schedule-no small trick, that.

And now, it’s your baby’s first birthday. If anyone tells you that your child will hardly know what is going on, that a cake and presents would mean little to him, they’re probably right. Still, it is fun to see how he responds to a cake with a candle in it-will he really be able to blow the thing out? And after you have finished cleaning the cake and ice-cream out of his hair and off the floor, you will still have the precious memory-the look of discovery in his eyes as he opens his first present.

But let us not forget that this day should really be a celebration of you, the mother. This is the day when you deserve to be fully congratulated for having made it through this year of initiation to motherhood. You have done well. That secret, alchemical change from young women to mother has been taking place during this time. You know you will be a good mother to this child, as he grows and his needs change. All you have to do is look at that eager little child of yours to know that.

This is your day, Mom. Don’t be afraid to pat yourself on the back, you deserve it. Get together with some friends and celebrate.