Babies Tale

Parents of twins or larger sets of multiples report feeling either exaltation or resentment; some feel blessed, others feel as if they have been unfairly afflicted. There’s no denying that caring for twins is extremely difficult for the first few months. Later, say some parents, twins become easier than two children who are merely close in age. They can be treated alike as far as daily care goes, and they amuse and teach each other. They may learn to dress and feed themselves rather early, if the one waiting gets impatient as you tend the other.
The names you choose for your multiples will reflect your personal tastes. Some parents like names that rhyme, like Ronald and Donald; others like those that begin with the same letter like Sandra, Susan, and Steven. Still others prefer to use names that are not at all similar like Elizabeth and Christopher. Do be careful not to give your multiples [or any child] names that are herd to pronounce or so unusual or fanciful that they will hate them. Naming one child after one of the parents or another relative may be considered a sign of favoritism later.
The thing that will probably be of the most help to you with your infant twins will be to get them on approximately the same schedule of eating and sleeping. Of course this is easier said then done, but putting them down at the same time and occasionally even waking one for a feeding may help. Feeding on demand will probably be impossible, but you will be tempted sometimes to prop a bottle for one baby while you hold the other to feed. This practice is discouraged as a general rule, but if you have two ravenous babies and will be present to carefully watch the one with the propped bottle, no harm will be done.

You will soon learn which times of the day are most difficult, with both babies awake, fussy and hungry. One of these times is apt to be late in the afternoon, when you yourself are worn out and badly in need of a rest. Adjust whatever schedule you are trying to establish so that you have as little as possible to do at these times, and try to arrange some help for yourself, if your husband or another relative or friend can’t be with you, try to get a teenager to come in for an hour or so to assist you, under your supervision…

Be aware that while you might never let a single baby cry for more than a moment or two, there will be times when one of your twins will have to cry until you have time to attend to his or her wants. Babies are surprisingly adaptable and even screaming for a quarter of an hour will not hurt your twins. Bath-time will probably be one of these times. Do not try to bathe two infants at the same time, possibilities for injury to a baby, not to mention stress and tension for a parent, are more than double when both are wet and wiggling. Indeed, bath time may be the one time, at which it is most helpful and practical to have two caregivers present to split up the tasks of bathing, drying, and dressing the babies.

One common problem with multiples is keeping track of such routine things as which has been fed or bathed, which has had a bowel movement, which has slept for several hours. The solution is simple: Write down everything. Some mothers of multiples find it convenient to hang a chart at the foot of each baby’s crib to record such important events. If you have trouble telling one identical twin from another, paint a finger or toenail of one with nail polish or leave the hospital bracelet on one.

Right from the beginning, become conscious of treating your twins as individuals, not as a “matched set.” Of course they are adorable together, but dress them differently sometimes, and take at least some pictures of each of them individually. Sing and talk to one, and then to the other, and use their names when you talk to them or about them. Try to avoid complaining to others about how much work your babies are, and using the old clichés about “double trouble.” Your twins won’t understand you right now,, but one day they will, and if they learn to think of themselves as problems who cause their parents nothing but drudgery, their self-esteem will be damaged and they may live up to the negative description.

When I found out I was expecting twins, family and friends were overjoyed. This was my first pregnancy, so I was fearful of the responsibilities of being a new parent, let alone raising two at once!

The gifts started pouring in. We received matching cribs, matching blankets, matching clothes, and even a dual breast pump. The babies were referred to as “Baby A” and “Baby B.” The day they were born, it was difficult for folks to tell them apart. I, on the other hand, felt differently. These two baby girls had distinct features, different preemie health issues, different feeding preferences, different sleeping habits, and noticeably different dispositions.

My girls are fraternal twins. They look nothing alike, and they have opposite personality traits. At the age of 9, they have really come into their own as individuals. Despite the efforts of our social circle to lump them together as “the twins,” their cute, matching outfits did not influence the development of their unique personalities and interests.

We did not give them “twinny” names with alliteration or rhyme. Zoe & Skylar have grown into two very different little girls. Zoe is very much left-brained and logical, with minimal sense of humor. She is a math genius and computer whiz. Skylar is my right-brain dominant child who consumes her time with arts and crafts, and has an artistic perspective of everyday objects. She is brilliant with jokes, and sees things in her surroundings that most people would not notice.

Zoe is a “fashion plate” at school, adopting the latest clothing trends. Skylar has a very unique sense of style, not succumbing to the mainstream fashion influences. Zoe is a typical kid, craving junk food at every juncture. I could leave Skylar alone in a grocery store, and she would choose balanced meals. Zoe will be mischievous and cunning, and Skylar will serve as the “tattle-tale” to ensure that justice is served. Zoe hides her feelings and will rarely cry, even when hurt. Skylar cries and laughs openly and faithfully pours out her daily emotions in her diary.

There are some strategies for ensuring that twins’ individual needs are met to nurture them as two separate developing human beings:

(1) Do not put them in the same classroom at school. Most public schools have a policy against twins being placed in the same class. If not, it is wise to request this separation to encourage different social circles and individual academic achievement.

(2) Spend one-on-one time with each twin. Take notice of different learning styles and preferences for reinforcing and rewarding good behavior.

(3) When age-appropriate, allow for each twin to choose personal expressions: clothes, extra-curricular activities, room décor, etc. (4) Allow for unique birthday celebrations: choice of cake, different friends invited, party activity planning by both children.

Common sense approaches to raising siblings apply to raising multiples, yet are even more important to employ. All children are distinctive souls with their own purpose and destiny. All devoted parents recognize this in their children. Twins and multiples just need extra attention to their discrete needs.