Babies Tale

Another of your major responsibilities will be to comfort your baby when she is crying. Crying is especially distressing for new parents, who assume something is dreadfully wrong. However, it is perfectly normal for babies to cry. It gives them a certain amount of exercise, and it is, after all, their only way of letting you know that they need something. The difficulty is to figure out what those needs are. In a newborn, there are only a few things a cry will signify. If the baby is not ill or in pain, hunger, the need for a diaper change [within a few weeks, the baby will become used to the feeling of wetness and a wet diaper will not bother him], and the need to be held and comforted. Infants have a characteristic fussy-sounding cry that often seems to reach a peak when they are about six weeks old and tapers off at about three months.

Babies are individuals. Each will tell you in special ways what he needs from you. Many experienced mothers say they can tell the reasons for their babies crying, saying, for example, that the hunger cry is rhythmic and repetitive, the pain cry is loud and shrill, and the ill cry is continuous, whiny and nasal. As the baby grows, he will have more reasons to complain by means of crying; boredom, frustration, loneliness, fear, over- stimulation, and sometimes the overtiredness that prevents sleep. As you get to know your own child better, you will learn to interpret the reasons for crying.

Occasionally, a baby will cry because he is in pain. One traditional cry of pain is the prick of an open safety pin, largely avoided now by the use of specially designed diaper pins and eliminated completely by the use of disposable diapers that need no pins. Another cause for pain is a raveled thread from the baby’s clothes wrapped tightly enough around a finger or toe to cut off circulation. A baby crying because of sickness will usually have other symptoms of illness, such as a fever, diarrhea, or a runny nose. An earache is indicated by the baby’s pulling on, or attempting to pull on his ear. Generally, a healthy baby will have a strong loud cry. If your baby’s cry becomes abnormally weak, consult your doctor right away.

Sometimes, especially if postpartum depression has you in its grip, you and your baby can get into a joint crying cycle. When the baby cries, you get anxious and nervous. The more the baby cries, the worse you feel, and nothing you do seems to help quiet the baby. The baby senses your feelings; your anxiety in turn, makes the baby anxious and uncomfortable; and the child expresses these feelings by crying even more. You dissolve in tears yourself, and neither of you can seem to stop. One way to help both of you to calm down is to take a warm bath together. The skin contact and the warm liquid environment are soothing and may be all you need. However, if you find yourself getting into these cycles with any regularity, talk with an experienced parent or your doctor.

You’ll find some of the things you do to help your baby stop crying are the same as what you do to help him go to sleep. Most of these are warmth, rhythmic sound, and gentle repetitive motion. These three great comforts can be ideally combined when you cuddle your baby closely as you sing softly to him and you rock together in a cozy, padded rocking chair. This will also soothe and rest you, and you will probably find it a more reasonable solution then letting your baby “cry it out,” as some will likely advise you to do to teach him who is “in charge.” Picking up your infant when he cries does not spoil the baby, whatever you may hear from others. Remember, too, to let your baby know that crying is not the only way to get you to show your concern and love. Pick up and cuddle your baby when he is awake and not crying.

For a new parent who has had no experience with infants either within his or her own family or during the course of a babysitting career, simply picking up and holding a baby is a little scary, dressing one is frightening, and bathing one is downright terrifying. Luckily, infants aren’t able to squirm about much, so you don’t have to worry right away about yours twisting out of your arms or escaping from your grip on the changing table. And babies are tough; they don’t break under the stress of normal handling [Don’t worry about emotional fragility, either. Your baby’s psyche won’t be damaged for life if you are cross, in a hurry, or preoccupied once in a while].

It will be necessary to support your baby’s head with one hand foe about three months when you pick him up and to hold your baby against your shoulder so his head won’t fall backward when you carry him. It used to be common to swaddle babies loosely in receiving blankets, and some parents like to enclose their infant’s arms and legs this way until they are used to holding and carrying them. You’ll soon find yourself going smoothly through the tasks that involve moving and handling your baby subconsciously avoiding the sudden movements and loud noises that frighten or startle babies.

The Importance of Touching

This statement bears repeating: Picking up and holding your baby will not spoil him. The importance of touch to an infant cannot be stressed enough, a fact now recognized to be part of the bonding process encouraged by doctors, it is even said that mothers who are separated from their newborn infants during the first hour after birth are somewhat less confident about their intuitive mothering skills than those who go through the bonding process. Your baby’s skin in his or her most well developed sensory organ immediately after birth, and the largest organ of the body, its stimulation can have a profound effect on the baby’s behavior. Your gentle, confident, and firm touch, will calm your baby as well as assure him of your love.

Parents eagerly anticipate their baby’s sleeping through the night, but an eight hour sleeping period probably not be something that your baby achieves until she is several months old. Someone will very likely advise you to give the baby cereal at the last late night feeding as a way to induce a longer sleeping period. Don’t do it. Your baby’s doctor will tell you when the baby is developed enough [immune system, swallowing mechanism, etc.] to handle solid foods.

A pacifier may help put your baby to sleep. The Leche League discourages the use of pacifiers on the grounds that they may diminish a baby’s need to suck and therefore make her a less efficient nurser.. Some parents disapprove of them, too, probably because they find distasteful the not uncommon sight of a toddler whose sucking needs have long since been outgrown walking around with a pacifier stuck in her mouth like a plug. In fact, some find the sucking that is one of a baby’s instinctual needs somewhat difficult to understand at all. They may feel that extra nutritional sucking indicates that something is lacking in the emotional development of their child, and that therefore they are “bad” parents.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Newborns need to suck; it is their most satisfying form of gratification. The benefits of a pacifier can be seen when a baby’s need to suck goes beyond her need to eat. Infants may awaken a short time after a feeding and indicate what seems to be hunger by trying to put their hands in their mouths or crying, when what they really need is to suck.. Thumb-sucking would be a good substitute if infants could find these natural flesh-and-blood pacifiers when they want them. Since a tiny baby rarely put thumb to mouth at will, a pacifier meets her need to suck and eliminates unnecessary feedings that inconvenience you and may upset the baby’s digestion.

Another possible benefit of pacifiers has been discovered in using them with premature babies. Those who were induced to accept pacifiers in the hospital were found to develop sucking muscles sooner than those who did not take them, and thus were able to be taken off intravenous feedings and fed by mouth sooner.

If you give your baby a pacifier in bed, do take it away when she is asleep, to avoid the baby’s becoming dependant upon it to stay asleep. And never tie it on a string around the baby’s neck. It could cause strangulation. After six months or so, the need foe extra sucking will disappear. If you dislike the pacifier you could probably arrange for it to disappear about the same time.

Day care in a private home or family day care provides a home atmosphere and personalized attention. Typically, a mother of a child takes several others into her home during the day. This is usually less expensive than having a sitter in your home, and if the caregiver is really able to be with several children and still be sensitive to each child’s needs, the situation is a good one. Your child will develop skills by being with other children in a homey atmosphere but won’t be exposed to different workers, as she would be in a day care center.

If you’re considering family day care, meet the person in the setting where your child would be care for. Gear your questions to find out about the care giver’s priorities, interests, strengths, and experience with children. Give him or her pertinent information about your child’s needs [medical history, diet, interests, and idiosyncrasies] and your expectations. Obtain references-the names of other families whose children stay with him or her-and check them out.

General Considerations:

If you are considering family day care or a day care center, gather information on each placement you are considering so that you can compare hours of operation, vacancies, fees, adult to child ratios, and general philosophies about child care. If the center is handling very small babies, the adult to child ratio should ideally be three to one, but no more than four to one. If the children are between two to five years old, there should be one adult to five children.
Arrange to visit the most attractive options. Bring your child and go at a busy time. This way, you can check your child’s response to the caregiver and also watch the caregiver’s style of interaction of other children.

• Is the caregiver sensitive to the needs of children od different ages [especially at meal time]?
• How does the caregiver respond to a crisis?
• If you’re there early in the, how does the caregiver respond to an upset child being left by his parents?
• Does the caregiver take the time to allow the parents to express concerns/
• Is the child given enough attention to ease the pain of separation?
• Are children sensitively helped to make the transition from one activity to the next?
• When you talk to the caregiver, do you feel as though you would be a member of the “team,” defensive? It is essential for you to feel that the caregiver respects your relationship with your child and your feelings.

Look at the overall cleanliness of the center or home-let your instincts give you a reading on its feel. Does the physical environment seem safe or are there detergents or medicines within easy reach, or such dangers as uncovered light sockets? What kinds of toys are provided? Are they safe? Do they allow for creative play and skill-building? Licensed day care facilities should be able to provide you with a written program description. If you still have questions after your visit, make a phone call or follow-up visit.

Many parents are reluctant to expose a very young baby to the risk of infection outside the home and to take the chance of having an outsider bring disease into the house. Such fears are understandable, but should not be allowed to unrealistically limit your baby’s contact with people and the outside world. Germs are inevitable- you will bring them into your house yourself, and into contact with your baby. You naturally will not knowingly expose your baby to someone who is suffering a terrible cold or other communicable ailment; you can and should watch for such situations in your baby’s day care environment, and elsewhere. This sort of reasonable caution [which includes regular visits to the pediatrician and a regular program of immunizations and inoculations] should ensure that your baby enjoy normal health.

Once your child is placed in out-of-home day care, the only way to be sure that he is safe is to make unannounced visits during the day. If there are rules against this, question the rules.

While day care centers often have long waiting lists, they offer good hours and shift workers so they can remain open from very early in the morning until evening.

Your child will have playmates and you will likely meet other working parents, making the day care center the hub of a sort of extended family. If this community aspect appeals to you, you’ll want to find out whether the center does anything to encourage communication between parents.

If you’re considering a day care center, the workers should be well trained and well paid. A poorly trained dissatisfied worker is probably not going to have the skills or the patience to deal well with both the demands of the children and her own frustrations; abuse or neglect could result. Questions you should ask include: How much employee turnover is there? Do the workers seem happy? Do they seem to respect each other?

Day care centers may be privately owned or operated by nonprofit groups such as parents’ cooperatives [which allow parents active involvement], educational institutions [sometimes to provide training for students], or municipalities. A licensed center is governed by regulations concerning things like the ratio of caregivers to children. You can receive a copy of the exact regulations in your state from the human service agency that monitors the licensing. When you have a choice, choose a licensed center or care provider. In some states, in-home caregivers must be licensed.

Many of the ways you can save time center around good organization. Of course, definite scheduling of your time is impossible now; you can’t be sure exactly when or how often your baby is going to need you. Every plan you make that involves other people or a specific time must be expendable of have an alternative. This way, you can shift gears at a moment’s notice when your baby requires an extra feeding or when some other normal but unanticipated takes place. At the very least, you’ll want to consistently allow more time than you think you’ll need for everything. Experienced parents have found many ways to save themselves time and confusion as they go about the business of life with a new baby. Here are some of their ideas:

• Keep shopping lists, lists of chores that must be absolutely done, and lists of thank-you notes to be written for baby presents. By writing everything down, you free yourself of having to remember details at a time when you are most apt to be forgetful and preoccupied.
• At night, do as much as you can to get ready for the next day. Set the table for breakfast, lay out clothes for yourself and the baby, pick up the newspaper. Any nuisance chores and decisions you can handle ahead of time will make the day start that much better.
• Cut down on time consuming trips around town by banking by mail and shopping by phone or through catalogs whenever you can. Try to do several errands when you are out, and plan them so you waste the least possible amount of time driving around.
• Practice doing two things at the same time: make out a grocery list or do your stretching exercises while you talk on the phone; fold the laundry as you watch television; or clean the bathroom as the tub fills.
• Above all, do not rush, “Haste makes waste” is a cliché, but it is as true today as it was when it was first uttered by someone who knew that the faster he or she tried to do something, the more likely it was that there would be an accident.

Once you’ve made a day care choice, whatever it is, finalize all arrangements in writing. If you are hiring a caregiver, you’ll need to draft a letter that covers your agreement with that person with regards to hours, salary, responsibilities, sick leave, and vacation. A licensed day care will have forma available.

You’ll need to explain all of this to your child-what’s going on, where you’ll be going, who will be taking care of her, and that yes, you’ll be coming back for her. You may need to stay with her a while the first few days; decrease the amount of time each day. Allow a reasonable amount of tome for your child to become accustomed to the arrangement. If your child seems upset at the end of the day, after a reasonable settling in period, you’ll need to find out why. Stay in touch with the caregiver on a weekly basis. Try to maintain a collaborative, supportive relationship. Work together to solve any problems that may arise.

This essentially means that you pay a sitter to stay in your home with your child. With a small baby, this may be the easiest option, since only one environment is involved. This is also the most expensive option, and doesn’t always pan out as the best one, since in-home caregivers often burn out and have been known to put the child in front of the television and carry on with their normal routine. Finding a person who has an emotional reason for wanting to take care of someone else’s child may help; financial motivation alone does not guarantee superior care.

If you’re hiring a mother’s helper, you should have a sense that she respects your child and understands his needs-and yours. Is she willing to structure a nap into the afternoon so that your child is not cranky when you get home? If your child is rested, you can spend some quality time with him. Most important, what do your instincts tell you about this person? Do you think you can have a cooperative relationship with her? Check references. Once you’ve hired a candidate, find some reason to go home unannounced during the day in order to get a sense of what’s happening. Does your sitter run out the door as soon as you arrive home, or is she able to tell you what your child did that day, giving you a sense that she is involved and concerned?

The infant at birth contains a germ of all that is great and good. Education is simply the process of drawing out and developing dormant energies. The child’s teachers and governors are the parents. They cannot escape this duty if they would, and a large share devolves upon the mother.

If a mother governs entirely by sole, bare authority, by frowns un tempered with smiles; when her conduct produces in the hearts of her children only a servile fear instead of an obedient affection; when accidents raise a storm, and faults produce only a hurricane of passion in her bosom; when offenders are driven to concealment and lying in order to avert unduly severe corrections; when the mother interrupts innocent enjoyments unnecessarily; when, in short, she shows nothing of herself but the unhappy tyrant, can we then expect the child to flourish in such soil? No, unless we expect the tenderest house-plant to thrive amidst the rigors of eternal frost.

At the opposite end of the scale are the parents, particularly mothers, who delay the application of coercive measures too long. The first months and then years of a child’s life glide away quickly; the mother scarce knows when she should have begun to govern her child instead of having him govern her.

If a child has been accustomed to obey from infancy, there need be no contest for power. The yoke of obedience will generally be light and easy. Just as important is for a mother to be always on her guard and allow no encroachments on her own prerogatives.

Often discipline is abortive. It is administered at a proper time but is relaxed just short of success. No correction should be commenced that is not completed there and then. One completed piece of discipline is worth a hundred abortive efforts.

Love is the essential element of the parental character. The human mind is so constituted as to yield readily to its kindness. Men are more easily led to their duties than driven to them. ‘A child: says an Eastern proverb, ‘may lead an elephant by a single hair.’

In all their conduct, let the parents blend the lawgiver with the friend, tempet authority with kindness. Let them act so as to convince the children that their laws are holy, just and good, and that to be so governed is to be blessed.

Finding adequate child care is also an important part of making the choice. “At first the idea of leaving her with anyone terrified me,” recalls Georgianne. “Getting adequate child care was a nightmare. I got a list of the places licensed in my area, but when I went to visit the very first one I was discouraged. The woman had three other children and the home was in a depressing, stark apartment building. I just thought, no. In the end I paid a fortune for a series of nannies. They were all OK, but none of them stuck around much longer than six months.”

Very few companies provide day care or nurseries. Local social-services departments have few day-care facilities, and these are mostly filled by single or special-needs mothers. Some churches and temples have day-care facilities, however. Private day-care services tend to be expensive, but they are becoming more common. Baby-sitters can be a good, inexpensive option if you find one you like. Nannies can live in if you have the space, or can come in for the day. Also, if you have one child and work part-time, you may be able to share a nanny with another mother to cut costs. If you work part time, au pairs can work out if you have the room. However, they aren’t expected to work more than five hours a day. Also, they may be very young and inexperienced with small children.

Finding suitable child-care arrangements is often an ongoing worry for the working mother. What works when you have one baby will not be perfect when you have two preschool children. Often child-care problems get even more complicated when children start school: It’s harder to find someone who wants to work for only two or three hours after school or during school vacations. And what do you do when your child is ill? Having both children and a job usually means:

• You have a reasonably understanding relationship with your employer.
• You are prepared to sacrifice some paid vacation days at those times when your child or baby-sitter is ill.
• Your partner is prepared to make some of these sacrifices, too.

Otherwise, the situation may become unworkable.

There’s no doubt that today’s is a fast paced world, and there are dozens upon dozens of choices when it comes to what you can give your kids to eat. It’s tempting to buy “convenience” foods, especially when your preschooler makes a fuss, but it’s important to resist the urge to give in to temptation. The nutritional needs of preschoolers are quite different than those of adolescents and adults. Here’s what you can do to make sure your preschooler stays healthy and grows strong.

1. Make sure your preschooler gets an adequate amount of meat or comparable complete-protein vegetable combination. During the preschool years, kids grow at an amazing rate (the birth length doubles by age 4, for example). As preschoolers grow, their bodies need more protein than at other times in their life in order to build muscle and carry out basic bodily functions. Because of this, the protein needs of a preschooler can be up to three times the RDA!
2. Provide a wide variety of nutrient/energy-rich foods and let them ask for seconds. Believe it or not, preschoolers have an energy requirement that is roughly equivalent to the energy needs of sedentary adults. Preschoolers can’t eat as much as adults can because their stomachs and other organs of the digestive system are still growing, so they need to eat more foods that are nutrient/energy rich. (Nutrient/energy-rich foods are foods that provide a high amount of nutrients for the number of calories they contain.) Good nutrient/energy-rich foods are nuts, dried fruits, and cheese. Keep portion sizes small and encourage your preschooler to ask for more if they are still hungry (yes, they will tell you).
3. Limit saturated fats. Saturated fats (the so-called “bad” fats) have a molecular structure that is different from polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats. Saturated fats are harder for the body to break down, so a preschooler who consumes too much saturated fat runs the risk of becoming obese and suffering other health problems. This doesn’t mean that you can’t treat your preschooler to a few french fries now and then. It just means that the french fry treat should remain just that-a treat.
4. Pass them the greens. Preschoolers frequently suffer from low calcium and iron intakes-again, this is because their bodies simply are growing at such phenomenal rates. Calcium builds bones and contributes to other bodily functions, and iron is important for blood cell construction. Both calcium and iron are found in foods such as green leafy vegetables or dried beans. This is especially to important to remember with calcium, because some youngsters have real trouble digesting dairy products and need another source of that mineral. If your preschooler is chronically tired or complains of dizziness, your child may be iron deficient.
5. Cut it up and let them munch. Preschoolers do need to have structured meals set out for them, but because the nutrient/energy requirement of preschoolers is so high, many preschoolers may need a small snack between regular meals in order not to become faint. In addition, preschoolers are far more receptive to new foods if they can pick them up with their fingers, so if you’re on the go, cut up bite-sized portions and put them in a baggie or a sealed plastic container for when your preschooler needs it.

Of course, eating right is only half the equation for your preschooler-it’s important that your preschooler engages in physical activity as well. Limit the amount of TV they watch and encourage your preschooler to partake in monitored activities that get them working their muscles and cardiovascular system. Not only will your preschooler be healthy and strong, but they’ll also be more likely to continue the healthy habits later on!

You cannot force a child to sleep; you cannot teach a child to sleep. Neither you nor your baby can control her sleep cycles. Provided the baby gets enough to eat, is not in pain, and is not interrupted constantly, she will get as much sleep as is needed. The need varies widely: one infant may require as many as twenty or twenty-one hours a day; another, only eleven hours. The actual amount of time is not important, except to a parent; a baby who sleeps very little can be as strong and healthy as one who sleeps a great deal. On average, your newborn will have about eight sleep periods a day. Some periods may last as long as two to four hours, others will be catnaps that last for only minutes.

You can intellectually assimilate all these facts about sleeping, and you can realize that your baby’s sleep habits are not an indication of your parenting abilities or the baby’s “goodness”. Still, you feel responsible for helping her get whatever amount of sleep is necessary in any way you can. You will probably find that your baby doesn’t fall asleep instantly upon being put into the crib; in fact, wakefulness, perhaps accompanied by crying, may last as long as a half hour. Put your baby down when she is full and has been thoroughly burped. A warm bath and a massage with a light lotion, a period of cuddling, or a ride in the carriage in the fresh air may encourage sleep. And the room need not be darkened, unless your baby is confusing night and day and you are having trouble changing a sleep pattern started in the hospital, where the nursery is bright and bustling with activity all day and all night. A room temperature of about 70 degrees will be most comfortable for the baby, who should be clothed in a light sleep sack [a covering blanket is not then necessary], a comfortable gown, or a sleep suit.

Do not worry about eliminating all household noise, the baby will become accustomed to the ordinary sounds very quickly. In fact, babies often find certain sounds soothing and go to sleep more quickly if those sounds are present. The intrauterine sounds the baby is used are simulated in various toys and devices, including a rather expensive teddy bear with a tape cassette. You can reproduce very similar sounds at little cost by taping a running dishwasher or washing machine with your own tape recorder. Other sounds babies sometimes find soothing are the running of the vacuum cleaner, the “white noise” produced by a radio station that’s off the air, a ticking clock, or soft music.

A ride in the carriage is only one way to supply the motion that sometimes helps babies sleep. Windup or cradle swings serve the same purpose, and you can rock the baby or walk the floor or dance around the room with her in your arms. You can even lull your baby to sleep by gently jiggling the bed, especially effective if it’s a waterbed.

Vary your newborn’s sleeping positions. Lying on the stomach will provide a pressure that may bring up troublesome air bubbles, but you may find that your baby prefers to lie on one side or the other, or on her back. Don’t worry if the baby is comfortable in only one position at first and her head will flattens a bit. It will regain its normal shape in a short time. Babies often seem to like the feeling of being swaddled. To do this, lay the baby diagonally on a small cotton receiving blanket. Fold one side of the blanket loosely over the baby, turn up the bottom corner, and then fold the other side over. Your baby is snugly enclosed in an “envelope” that will keep her warm and secure. When you pick the baby up, you can let the top corner rest on her head, like a hood, if you wish. Babies also like to be in small spaces. Try placing your baby in a corner of the crib, touching the bumper on one side and a rolled blanket on the other. Putting the baby down on the same small soft, blanket, perhaps one on which you’ve put a drop or two of your own perfume or cologne, may help induce sleep. [And that little coverlet may become your child’s all important security blanket, to be treasured and slept with for several years, so consider changing off between two identical ones in order to have one available while the other is in the laundry.